I don't know what to do with me mother-in-law Lady Dragon. She refuses to give us a heads up when she visits, so to come home from work and open the door to her ample self sitting in me favourite chair, annoys me more than I can articulate.
For someone who has had both eyes rid of cataracts you'd never know it. This surprise visit I wasn't in the door more than two seconds she turns to me, folding the newspaper she had been perusing and says to me, "You moved to Clowntown."
"What?" I asked without greeting her since she didn't greet me but with a stupid observation.
"It says in your town newspaper that Clown Hall is now open. The renovations are complete."
I stood there with me coat half on a hanger and half off trying to discern what on earth she was talking about. Then it dawned on me, she meant the town hall was open after three months of renovations. Gees the woman!
No, I did not correct her, I let her think there was a Clown Hall because it be such a waste of me time trying to enlighten someone who refuses to believe she could be in the wrong.
"To what do we owe the pleasure of THIS visit?" I asked hanging me coat in the closet.
"Big Tony is on a business trip to Japan. I didn't want to be home alone, so I flew up here."
"Oh the broom be working again is it?" I said as Tonya told me to be nice. She had come in with tea for her and Dragon. I was told if I wanted some the kettle was still hot. I don't get served, but Dragon does. Ruffles me feathers that. I went in and thought to have me tea in the kitchen where I could steal a few cookies while I was at it and be happy out of the company of the Dragon lady. But no, no, I was summoned in to sit down and tell Dragon about me day which would bore her to the back teeth if I actually did that. Instead, I asked HER about her day thinking to tune her out as she went on and on and on.
I was elbowed by me wife when I did not give a sympathetic response to whatever the Dragon had been going on about. Turned out she has thyroid trouble and has to take a pill a day to make her feel like moving around. Seems she feels very sluggish and fatigued. I did daydream about hiding the pills and stressing her out to where she went belly up, all depressed and unwilling to move or run her mouth, but I know that wasn't kind of me, so I let it go.
"I understand your dog is sick?" Dragon asked me.
"Oh yes, she's got doggy overactive thyroid, the opposite of what you have, so we give her a pill a day too!" I said brightly, but both women caught the sarcasm. They started talking amongst themselves, ignoring me like that was a punishment, so I was able after 15 minutes to slip away.
The next morning I was in a fog as I usually am in the mornings. I started coffee and as I waited for it to brew, I gave the dog her pill. As soon as the coffee was brewed, the Dragon floated down in her usual haze and poured herself a cup before I could even get me cup down. She popped her pills open and took one and seemed to go into a slight coma which made me glad the pills had that effect, I would not have to put up with Dragon nonsense so early in the morning.
I was off for the week to unpack, so this morning routine became the norm. No matter how much I tried to beat Dragon to the first cup of joe, I just wasn't fast enough. The only good thing was the coma she seemed to lapse into didn't wear off until dinner was served.
By that Friday, I had a veterinary appointment with the dog. I noticed she was acting like she was a puppy, bounding all over the place, running around like a flash and more animated than I'd ever seen her. Very happy dog, adjusting to the new surroundings at last was all I could think. Her thyroid meds seems to have slowed her way down at first, but suddenly it was like a new dog was in the house.
I told the vet about this change and he asked to see the pills. I handed them over and he put his glasses on and inspected the label.
"Uh Gabe, you sure these are the pills you are giving your dog?"
I glanced at the pill bottle and nodded.
"Well, these pills are for one Mrs. . . ." and that is as far as he got as I grabbed the bottle and yes, there it was, the Dragons name! I had been dosing me dog with under active thyroid medication and Dragon had been taking the dog's pills!
Me first concern to the doctor was, "Will me dog be okay?"
"Oh yes, she's fine."
I explained what happened that both pill bottles were on the table and me being in a fog well, you know the rest.
I took Fido home and was pretty sheepish around me wife. She noticed right off and took me aside and asked me what was up. I told her.
"This morning you found this out? You mean for a week both of them have been on the others medication? We have to get my mother to a hospital!"
"No, no, the vet told me it was okay, just switch the pills back. Gees Tonya, they look the same, they are both black and white, the bottles are the same."
"The names are different!" She pointed out annoyed at yours truly.
"We will keep an eye on her if that makes you feel better," I suggested.
"No, we have to tell her."
"Oh no we don't. The vet said both of them would be fine, just make sure she gets the right meds." I protested. "You know what Ton? If we tell your mother she will never come here again nor speak to me, even though it wasn't me fault totally. SHE should have looked at the bottle she had and . . . "
"Gabriel, she can't read as it is. She thought town hall was clown hall. Remember?" Tonya pointed out.
"More reason why we should say nothing because then she'll be embarrassed."
A big sigh from the wife on me last try to not have the Dragon any wiser.
"You know," Tonya said, "she mentioned to me just yesterday she was feeling more herself than she has in a long while."
"See there!" I shouted as she shushed me. "Its fine Tonya both of them are good."
"Still . . ." she countered mulling it over.
"Not to worry, I'll keep an eye on her," I said as Tonya nodded and walked away. "Yeah, I'll keep an eye on her in case she starts barking."
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