Well, here be a sad story for your entertainment. We had the Abdullah family up from Jersey for Easter dinner. Yes, the whole lot of them. Where I we were going to fit roughly 25 people we had not a clue, but leave it to Tonya's dragon of a mother to rearrange furniture, bark orders and General Patton it all over the place.
I was in charge of all the small kiddos of which there were six and outside I took them since it was a nice day. This be Saturday I be talking. Thinking meself lucky to have missed the moving detail, I did not fully realise the impact of not putting me two pence worth in when 'the general' was ordering troops around.
I walked into me living room turned into me dining room with all the living room furniture up against one wall. I did think the dining room table backed up with the kitchen table gave us seating for 25. However, there was no table or chairs in the kitchen, and nowhere to really relax since the dining room was empty and the living room furniture was shoved against the wall. Right away I started moving the living room furniture into the dining room but then realised the telly was still in the other room, so what the heck was I doing? Dragon you see, had realised this before I came in, and neglected to point out this small disadvantage to me busy self. No, she'd rather stand in the doorway saying not a word, watching me break me back moving heavy furniture for nothing.
I had moved it all, yes I did by the time I realised I'd be sitting in the dining room doing not much but maybe reading me newspaper. I'd have to go into what was now the dining room to watch the telly in an uncomfortable straight backed chair! I was not about to move cables to rebook the telly in the former dining room. I was not about to move the furniture back in either, so that was that.
Sunday, was another lovely day. Cooking was going on, the women were like one unit in the kitchen doing their thing, clucking about like a gaggle of hens. The men sat in the living room at the table, eating breakfast and glued to the telly. The children were underfoot along with the cat and dog and all was sort of right with the world, but that me back was stiff as a board from sitting on a straight back chair the evening before.
Two hours before dinner, Tonya's two brothers were in the kitchen sampling the food that was to be served for Easter dinner. To get them out of her hair, Tonya suggested to them that they take the 50 candy filled eggs she had made up and go outside and hide them while the wee ones were busy playing a new video game Big Tony had brought them. So armed with the eggs, the brothers Abdullah went to do her biding.
I was thinking once outside and out of sight they'd be opening the eggs and eating what was inside. But hey, wasn't me going to get me head taken off by angry young kiddos, so I didn't care. Anyway, the brothers were out there a very long time. Finally, a family member was sent to fetch them back in because by that time, the novelty of the new video game had warn off and the kiddos were in egg hunting mode. So off they were sent with a bevy of Abdullah women to oversee the hunting and that no one got lost in the woods.
They were out there maybe a total of 40 minutes before all were trooping in, looking dishevelled, hot, frustrated and mad that not one egg was found. No, R. Linda notta one! The cry went up to the entire house that the kiddos could find no eggs. Further, that the Easter Bunny was a cruel trickster and maybe he wasn't real. The men were muttering to each other, "What do they mean they can't find any eggs?" Everyone looked at the brothers Abdullah like they wondered as I did, if they had pilfered the eggs and then disposed of them.
Well, Dragon snapped into General Patton mode and whispered to the two idiots to get back out there, gather the eggs and hide them where the children could find them. And covertly they left as the rest of the adult population comforted the wee ones with reassurances that maybe the eggs are invisible and it takes a while for them to materialise. Yes, that's what they told them and I was wondering what telly programme did they get that from? And worse, the kiddos believed this rubbish.
So sitting in a circle, holding hands, eyes shut, they were told to concentrate on making the eggs appear outside. This they swallowed hook, line, and sinker! I was thinking I was in Disneyland somehow, but it worked, it kept them occupied for ten minutes when the two Abdullahs came in looking rather sheepish.
"We could find only 12 eggs." One of them whispered as everyone grew very wide eyed within whispering distance. How could they hide 50 eggs and lose most of them? Well, considering who hid the eggs it wasn't hard to imagine who. "Maybe we hid them too well." You think?
It was Easter Sunday, we couldn't run out to the closed stores to buy more eggs and candy. General Patton decided a detail was needed to go out there in the war zone and find those freaking eggs and she said it like they were land mines! And so I was one of those chosen and six of us guys along with the two reprobates, went outside to hunt eggs like we were kiddos again. I tell ya!
After twenty minutes we had all the eggs but three. And the places we found them, no one in their right mind would choose to look. Then like the good bunny troopers we were, we re-hid the eggs where anyone, even a blind man could find them.
Meanwhile, inside the kiddos were getting quite a bit upset about being made to sit in a circle and "meditate" as me eldest was screaming he was tired of doing.
But before anyone could shout over O'Hare's ranting, one of the buffoon brothers says loudly to his father, Big Tony, that no problem "we re-hid the eggs." And little ears are sharp and they picked that statement up immediately to which the ranting by O'Hare became a wee one's wail at the awful information being put forth that there was no Easter Bunny!
Big Tony hit the loudmouth upside the head and the women immediately came in to quell the small upset that was going on with the wee ones. They each took a wee one by the hand and led the sobbing child outside all the time saying that brother Abdullah was making an attempt at a poor joke, and they should not put any credence in ANYTHING he or his bungling brother said.
The eggs were gathered, the dog found the three missing ones, and guess what? None of the three had candy inside. They were in a cluster in the woods. Yup they were and when pointed out to the two candy stealers they had not much to say but that a raccoon came and probably ate the candy. Like we believe anything they tell us.
Just a peek at me day. Sigh.
|Remnants of yesterday's hunt|
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