Well, well, well live and learn something about human nature, mine. I have to preface this piece because I am not necessarily knocking beautiful women of the supermodel kind, but in a way I have experienced something that doesn't often happen to the working joe like me. I also know I be not cut out for the social life of the upper crust Bostonian set.
Here it is, last weekend I was invited to a rather magnificent splash of a party in Boston. I am liked by one of the paper's executives, a mover and shaker in Boston. He lives on swanky Beacon Hill across from the park and has three big homes, one on the Vineyard, one in Aspen, and one in Malibu. I ran into him at the wharf about a week ago. I asked him how he was and he's a talker he is, and he proceeded to tell me his latest adventures in Abu Dabi and about his side trip to New Zealand. Then he said he was having a bash at one of the big Boston hotels and why didn't I bring the wife and come enjoy. Well, I was taken aback. He then said it was formal and it give me wife an opportunity to dress to the nines as all women like that. OK, Tonya is not one of those women, but he was nice for asking and I wasn't about to debate the issue.
He insisted we attend and I told him I had a wee bit of a cold and was on antibiotics. He looked at me a moment and said, "Gabe, you're up in New Hampshire right?"
"I am." I replied with a cough.
"Look you could do me a huge favour. My Porsche is being fixed by a friend of mine in Hollis. If I have him drive the car over to your place, would you drive it to the party and I will send you home after ward in my limo if that's all right?"
Hells yes! Porsche? ME ME ME I WANNA DRIVE IT!
Having made the deal, and gotten the particulars I was on cloud nine. So I take meself home and tell the wife she be invited to a society shindig and she is not excited but deflated. Me Mam on the other hand, was thinking what a great opportunity this was for me to "netwerk da hell outda dem high and mighties." Of course she would think that so the wife looked defeated as well and shrugged and said she hadn't a thing to wear that would be appropriate.
"Err look," Mam says, "we'll go tuo dat Davie's Bridal or whatever ye call it and git ye sumthin' grand we will."
"We will?" Tonya said looking at me terrified because me Mam's idea of grand is Victorian lace down to the ankles with old ladies shoes. Not exactly Tonya's style.
I looked amused (I couldn't help it) and shrugged.
"Gabe, don't you think he's using you to get his car down there?" Tonya mused.
"Not really, the fella that has it could drive it down but he thought I might enjoy the ride." I mused back.
"Yeah, well it seems suspicious to me."
"No, we talked about the Porsche and I said wistfully I wish I could drive one. I think he's being nice be all. Besides we have cart blanche at the party and are being driven home in a limo."
It was the very next day me Mam carted the wife off to the bridal store. I was looking at me cheque book in dread because those dresses do not come cheap (which was a discussion I had with them both before they left).
"Look err' sunny buy, if yer wants Tonya to standout she needs a good dress."
And that was that.
"But hey Gabe, you get to drive a Porsche." Tonya said not without a tinge of malice in her voice, and off they went.
I have a tuxedo thanks in part to me friendship with the Weasil who insisted he buy me one for one of his adventures out. So at least I didn't have to shell out a rental, only hoped it still fit and it did.
Well, the dress was bought, and you'll be happy to know it was not a Victorian number, but a chic salmon coloured hug her body you won't miss her dress. Oh yeah, complete with sparkly heels. I was glad me Mam does not know who Harry Winston is, or I could see her flying down there with Tonya in tow for a shitload of diamonds to enhance the un-enhanceable. That dress needed nothing to make it more spectacular than it was.
"Your boss said you never drove one before. Well, here you are," he said handing me the keys.
"Is there more to this?" I whispered. "Me wife thinks somethings up."
"Oh no," he laughed. "He does kind things for people he likes. No worries. Have fun and don't smash it." He left laughing.
That last left me with a hole in the pit of me stomach filled with dread. What if I did that? Holy cow I was now having second thoughts and there she was coming down the steps dressed to the nines, and he pulling away! What to do? I told meself to snap out of it and get meself going.
The goddess and I got in and after a moment of being impressed, I put the lovely wonder in gear and we eased on down the road like two fat cats that do this all the time.
Now instead of dreading the drive that I might ruin a perfectly good hairdo and an expensive motor, I was dreading the end of the drive. I could have driven that baby all night and the next day happy as a clam. But we arrived at the swanky hotel. Of course, the lady was let out first and she moved up to the doors and realised I was not with her. She turned around to find me still sitting in the motor of dreams, the valet tugging at me door to get me out. I know, I was being a jerk about that car but . . .
After a few minutes I departed the wonder mobile and started up to the front door where the wife was patiently waiting and a lot of fancy dressed people were milling about when suddenly the world stopped and this blond with suntan and black dress slashed to the navel, slit up to her waist comes model walking in me direction. She hands me a card and tells me in a husky, sexy voice to give her a ring. THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO MOI! I stood there with me mouth agape looking the jackarse I'm sure when the car's owner comes up to me and says, "It's the car."
Well, of course it was. He told me it happens all the time. I knew in the past he dated supermodels of which there were plenty at the party. We were sitting at his table and for some reason I had the honour of sitting next to him. He asked me about the car and we talked Porsche for about an hour before it turned to me exciting encounter outside the hotel.
"Never happened to me before." I mused.
"Gabe, let me tell you before I married I thought it was great to have a supermodel on my arm. But you know they are gold diggers, all about the money. They see the car, the well fitting tux, and bam they are right there. The foreign ones are the worse. They are groomed from very young to look for the wealthy American and go for it."
"Really?" I said looking around at some of the vivacious lookers working the room.
"Really. My wife I met at a convenience store out west. I stopped in after a jog to buy a cold drink and there she was a fellow jogger doing the same thing. We struck up a conversation about jogging and made a date to meet the next day. We did, she had no idea who I was and I was smitten. Told her that night I'd like to take her out. She said fine she'd be ready. I went to pick her up and there she was dressed in shorts and a tank top. I said I was going to take her to a nice place for dinner. She said, she was hoping I would take her for a sunset jog. Hell, I did! She was leaving for Boston the next day so I offered to drive her to the airport. I kissed her goodbye and then got my stuff from the rental, hopped in my private plane and made it to Boston before she landed. She was surprised to see me at the gate, and her face was all lit up, and that smile, I knew she was the one and proposed right then and there. I told her who I was, and she didn't care. It was refreshing after the super gold diggers. We've been together for 25 years and still as happy as the day we met."
I realised this guy be not fake or a user. He genuinely likes good people and told me he counts me as one. I also realised why he said that. After being at the party for two hours, I witnessed some behaviour I can't abide. Lots of flirting, married or not, propositions, drinking, and one-upmanship to the extreme. No wonder he likes me, I must be very refreshing since I don't partake in any of those things. Tonya and I left after much feasting and dancing to the promised waiting limo. It was rather nice to not have to drive back after a long evening. I will say the wife had a smashing good time in spite of all the suspicions she had thrown me way.
Perhaps she was right I was being used as the sane table-mate because everyone else was fake. She caught the supermodel's (who will remain nameless) attempt on scoring a big fish (oh wouldn't she have been disappointed?).
He tells me he's coming up to a reserve here to hunt in the fall and I be invited to go. Afterward, there is a dinner party the wife be invited to at "the club." That means another dress and I need to get a shotgun and hunting clothes. I don't think I can afford the attentions of me boss. So now I have to find a way out of this friendship. One night out with the jet set was enough for Tonya, she does not want to make a habit of it. Me either actually. In thinking it over if I wanted to step into that world or not, I decided not and actually find the Weasil's company (believe it or not) more me thing. I know I will regret ever saying that, but for the moment it's the truth.
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