22 November, 2015

Is the Gingerbread Castle for sale?

22 November 2015

R. Linda:

There is no other way to say it, but say it how it is and the sad truth be, this: Dragon has got it into her head that she's moving to New Hampshire. The excuse be that she be tired of people asking what exit she lives off, the traffic on the Garden State is horrendous, too many people, and the weather has changed to a state of drastic. So, time to move!

As this news was sinking into me numb denying brain, I piped up in a squeaky sulking voice, "Why not move to Colorado?"

"Colorado? What's in Colorado?" The Dragon's voice was incredulous.

"Uh . . . R. Linda?" I squeaked.

"Who is R. Linda?" She asked getting annoyed at me.

"Me muse." I said.

Her eyes narrowed and she looked at me like she had no time for me. She waved a hand at me in dismissal. If she had a wand in it, I am sure she'd have reduced yours truly to frog status, ah-ribbit!

"But why?" I moaned to me wife as Dragon left the room.

"Because it is pretty here." She answered, using me own words to describe where I live right back at me.

"Woe is yours truly." I whined.

That was enough for her to get up and leave for more coffee in the kitchen, where the Dragon was busy depanning muffins. It was only me and me Mam in the den. She was sitting looking down at the floor, teacup balanced precariously in her lax fingers, she sighed heavily and I knew she was thinking the same thoughts I was. WHY?

I whispered to her that I was not happy about this development. She sighed back, nodding. Kindred spirits we two, sitting there trying to think how to stop the woman, but neither of us wanted to send our thoughts there. Too much work.

"I knoo," Mam said in a low voice, "you and me will move to Colorado."

"Oh yeah sure, and leave Tonya and the kiddos at the mercy of the dragon lady. We can't do that and if we even hinted at doing that, the Dragon would surround them with legal waggons and we wouldn't stand an arrows chance of getting them out of there."

"Wot?" Mam said looking at me like I had just spoken a string of Chinese.

"Never mind."

I got up and paced from one end of the house to the other. As I came pacing by me mam, who was still sitting where I left her, she pulled at me sleeve and I bent down to hear her whisper, "At least she isn't moving in! In here with us."

I stood up and well yes, yes that was true and there were no homes next to us for sale, though there was one down the way. Oh boy, just down the road, way too close.

"I can see wot yer tinkin'. Dat hoose down da rood." Me mother's Irish was becoming thick as her nerves got more scrambled.

"Its big, it would fit all her fumily in it, she would be within walking distance and she could lord it over er' former neighbours in Jersey that she bought another giant hoose! A giant hoose not far from er' beloved dotter and er' kiddos."

Yup, antique colonial, Currier and Ives, goes back into the woods, BIG enough for a Dragon lair!
I nodded thinking that over. Yes, that be exactly what she'd do. She'd then invite the entire Jersey shore up for a visit and of course, then like a tour guide, she'd walk them to me abode to see how her son-in-law doesn't do yard work, but the three wee kiddos were just so adorable. Yup I could see it all now. And when the Jersey folks went home, she'd join the local garden club and tell them all about what an awful man I be and how I don't do a lick of yard work, etc. Yes, me name would become infamous and everyone would know me business.

"We must stop this!" I said louder than I meant to. But I was in a panic I was. What to do?

Me mam stuck a finger in the air like she was testing for a breeze. I stopped and bent down as she whispered, "YOU must buy dat big hoose. Dat way she can't live dat cloose."

"With what me good looks?" I asked actually entertaining the idea -- that is how desperate I was getting.

"Noo, I will give ye wot ya need." Me mam said nodding. And she was serious, and I be thinking she doesn't have that kind of money. But if she did . . . no, I couldn't but I was sorely tempted. It be true the woman has no sense of what real estate in this country costs, compared to Ireland where everything to someone here would seem a bargain!

Meanwhile, as if me day couldn't get any worse I get this cryptic invite from the Weasil, asking me to fly to Scotland for the annual haggis hunt. Now there be no creature such as a haggis, it be a sheep bladder stuffed with entrails and oatmeal that be cooked and served up with potatoes and turnips and lots of strong whiskey. But for some reason he has got it into his head that it isn't a sheep bladder filled with things most people would not eat, but the finished product comes from a kind of rabbit like creature (a large hare actually) with horns like a reindeer. He even has one mounted in his trophy room. Yes, he has a trophy room! I mean who doesn't? Oi.

Courtesy Museum of the Weird
Yes, THIS is what the Weasil thinks is a haggis in the wild
Me mam pointed out it be an escape for one of us if Dragon does buy that house. Uh yes, yes it would be, but at that moment I couldn't reckon which was worse. Helping Dragon move into a home much too close to me own OR, going hunting for a creature that exists in the mind of a lunatic for a long weekend. The results would be the same, I'd be coming home to an ensconced Dragon anyway, so the hunt was out.

I did wonder if the childhood memory the Dragon-in-law often regaled me kiddos about was still standing. She told us stories about a place in Hamburg, New Jersey called the Gingerbread Castle, where she was taken as a kid for a tour of the witches castle and upon conclusion, a helping of fresh baked gingerbread with lots of whipped cream. THAT is the place for her. I just know it is. But alas, I was told it does not stand very firmly BUT I think it's for sale! If only I could get those fond memories of her early witchhood flowing, she might go back and buy the place. YES that's it!

Is this perfect or what?
I did bring that subject up or at least tried to. She wouldn't listen, just waved me away and laughed like it was a foolish idea. I will keep trying, I will!

After an hour of worrying, I called the Realtor who sold me my abode. I told her Dragon was going to ring her about house viewings and to not show her anything in me neighbourhood. She laughed. I didn't share her amusement I can tell ya that much! After more hemming and hawing as they say in Vermont, I got a "I'll see what I can do" out of her. I was not encouraged, but I pushed on with the request, could she put a sold sign on the house sign just down the road from me? I already knew Dragon had seen the for sale sign, so maybe . . . no, that couldn't be done because if a buyer was out riding around and saw that house then they wouldn't bother and Mrs. Realtor would be out a sale. SIGH. Besides, she said, that house has been vacant for two years and they'd like to sell it. Oh and by the way, the price on it has come way down. Oh great just the news I didn't want to hear, but then wait -- maybe me mam COULD afford it! How much was it I asked, and the answer was still too pricy.

So I be sitting here dreading the day Dragon comes swooping in on her broomstick to inform us she's found a house. Not just any house, but the one up the road. Eee-yeh. Though I did try to head that off at the pass (as they say in Colorado) and told her, "Yeah I looked at that house, it was filled with fleas, seems former owner had two mastiffs and they were full of fleas." That little nugget made her eyes open wide until me own wife had to interject that we never looked at that house it was much too big and expensive. Thanks Tonya! So I quickly jumped in and said, "I heard that's why it hasn't sold."

Oh yeah, that went over like a lead balloon (like they say in New Jersey) and that was that for now. Any ideas you might have to stop the Dragon lady from moving here, AND looking at homes close to me own would be much appreciated. Meanwhile, I be contemplating that invite to Scotland. Thinking I could get lost in the Highlands for months or years. I could live in the haunted castle that Weasil went ghost hunting in, me mam could smuggle the wife and kiddos up there and the Dragon would wonder what magic trick made us all disappear. I know I be off on a panicked tangent (without the excuse of spicy food). So would you if you had the Dragon lady's shadow about to loom over your house for the rest of your life.

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

15 November, 2015

Viva La France!

I believe this says it all.

Courtesy BBC News

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

31 October, 2015

Driving The Captain's Car With The Captain In It This Time

31 October 2015

R. Linda:

Well, I got me wish or curse, as the case may be told. I got a call early this morn, the Captain had a gig down in Massachusetts and would be sailing by me abode on the way home if I liked. I was coffee-less as it were and said, "Sure Captain, sail on in, I'll have the dock ready for the Pearl. Har!" And so it was the Pearl sailed in with the Captain at the helm. I was ordered back inside to get me Captain Hook costume on, but Hook disappeared in the move, so out of the boot of the Pearl the Captain produced Hook's brother Bentley Hook's blue pirate coat, ruff, hat, wig, and SWORD. The sword was the thing, if it wasn't for THAT I wouldn't have dressed up as Hook's younger and better looking bro!

Oh and this was not just any sword, the sword actually made electronic swishing and clanging noises, so you can see THAT was quite a big thing for yours truly.

So once dressed and still coffee-less, I was thrown in the passenger side of the Pearl and we were flying like the Dutchman out the drive and onto the country roads where there is usually NO ONE. But today, because I was dressed like a fool, there were lots of people walking dogs or jogging. Yes, but lucky for us they were facing the same direction as we were, so they did not get see the two jolly Roger's in the front seat. UNTIL we came to a little country bistro that specialises in breakfast on down the road. Parking is on both sides of the road, and it being Saturday it was packed. There were people crossing the road and here it is the law one must stop as pedestrians go first! I had to sit there cringing as pointing children and worse, their parents pointed at us all animated curiosity that the license plate indicated it was Captain Jack Sparrow and yes, he did roll down his window and gave a spectacular performance of guiding the gawking and amused public across the road so we could proceed. I am sure that made THEIR day.

I was slumped in me seat while this was going on, hoping no one I knew was in the gawking crowd. Once our path was clear we started on and I told Captain Jack we were good to go for a while because it was highway, one lane, no lights until we hit two towns over. And that light was always green so no fear of stopping, but hark, we were coming up to it when it changed to amber and were too far back to gun the Pearl through (not that the Captain would, seeing how stopping with people in other cars staring doesn't faze him).

So there we were by ourselves, me thanking the heavens until a car on the right pulled into the turn lane next to us and another on the left. We were sandwiched there for a good five minutes and the gawkers on the left sat through the go light because they were too busy trying to get our attention of which I would not let the Captain even look their way for fear of just that happening. Our light changed and off we flew.

I was begging for coffee, I needed it bad. The Captain was all for hitting a pub to brace me up, but it was 10:30 a.m. and well, none open! Thank the good Lord for THAT or he would have stopped. As it was, he was all for stopping at a Whole Foods Store just to be seen inside. I tell ya.

"A little trick or treat, Cappy. I could get us free food if you are inclined." He laughed but he was serious, I just know he was. The answer was DRIVE ON CAPTAIN!

So it was on to Dunks we went and I have to tell you it was a pleasant time it was. We ordered at the drive thru (because there was no way he was getting me out of the Pearl) and we pulled up to three wenches dressed in girly pirate gear. They were surprised to see us at first until they noticed the Captain and then it was everyone who worked there was at the drive thru window to see if that WAS really Johnny Depp ordering coffee and donuts. I tell ya, the Captain made the most of this he did. HE got a free donut and coffee, I had to pay! What is up with that I wanted to know. He told the "wenches" they would make perfect partners for us two pirates and they were all about that. I wanted to hit him with me sword but I was too amazed at this flirting that I just sat there like an idiot with me yammer hanging open.

To add insult to injury I handed him me money, a ten dollar bill and so enamoured of the gushing wenches or because he didn't want to burst their Johnny Depp bubble, he told them to keep the change, me change!!!

Somehow we extracted ourselves from the fawning and flirting, pulling off to drink our coffee and eat a few donuts. I should know the Captain gets high on sugar because when he was done, he got the Pearl in gear and off we sailed down the road, him waving and doffing his Captain tri-cornered hat at all the adoring people. I tell ya the man has no modesty whatsoever. By now we were on a two lane town road. I think most people were still waking up so we were relatively unnoticed unless we pulled up next to them at a light and the Captain did his number on them. Hard to believe I know! Gees.

Incognito didn't last long because we hit a village green and there were people walking to the general store who certainly saw us. The first glance they stop, double take, look again, an uncertain smile comes across their faces, then recognition of who one us looked like, then wide smiles, tentative waves and finally the total abandonment of amusement fills their whole bodies as suddenly the thought hits them, HEY THAT LOOKS LIKE JOHNNY DEPP! HELL, THAT IS JOHNNY DEPP! And they start toward the direction of the car, read the license plate and then ARE CONVINCED R. Linda, that has to be HIM!

Unfortunately for the star struck the Captain be used to all this and knows when to put the boot to the pedal and zoom on out of there leaving them wondering. Yes, he's very good at manoeuvring himself out of what could be long autograph sessions with him denying he is who they hope he is which always ends with them not believing he isn't who they think he is, but says he is not. Oi!

THAT happened when the Captain had a sneezing fit and needed tissues. We pulled up to a Walgreens and he handed me a ten and instructions I should go in and buy him a box of Kleenex and anything else I might want.

"Nooo, why me? You're the one needs the tissues." I pointed out as we sat in front of the store, passersby starting to notice.

"If I go in there mate, I will be mistaken for you know who and never get out. It would be faster and painless YOU do it."

I couldn't find any reasoning not to do his bidding and so I did. Not an eye blinked at me get up. You would think tall men dressed as pirate captains come into Walgreens every day of the year! When I came out I found the Captain signing autographs (whose name he was writing I do not know), and he used me as his excuse to go, citing I had a terrible case of seasickness and he needed to get me home. All this said sounding like Depp and using Jack witticisms at me expense. Much laughter directed at me and off we sailed. I tell ya!

The drive home was uneventful as there was hardly any traffic but the traffic there was DID notice us, unlike the morning traffic that was tooling along, drivers deep in their own thoughts.

So now I know what it is like to be Captain Jack and drive the Pearl around. I would think on Halloween (such is the day) we were not given a second thought, but if it WASN'T Halloween, I bet we would attract lots more attention.

He did tell me he's been pulled over by the police for silly things, just so they can get a gander at him. He has told me ladies get all excited and flushed of face when they pull up and realise who is sitting in the next car over. I can attest this true as it happened several times, especially when we pulled through Wal Mart and had to wait to make a turn and if it was a woman making that turn well golly gee womphers as the Weasil would say, they would actually stop, roll down the window and yell, "JACK! I LOVE YOU JACK!" Oi.

Jack has told me he knows a makeup artist will do a nice job on the Weasil to make him look "exactly" like DiCaprio and we can drive around in a limo next year. Wouldn't that be a thrill he asked me. Well Jack, no, no it would not because for one thing, Weasil would truly get into that and there would be no getting him out of character or home, ever. I would be stuck forever being his chauffeur and I can't imagine the torture THAT would be like. No, this was enough for me. I be not curious any longer how the famous move among the public. I do know I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep up the act that's for darn sure. I'd be too overwrought by the time I got home, I'd be certifiable. More power to the Captain, I guess his personality is adjustable and he enjoys it.

The mind boggles.

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

17 October, 2015

Fall in New Hampshire - Beautiful!

17 October 2015

R. Linda:

As a result of the dry September we had in New England, October has burst forth wearing her party colours. The beauty of it all just floored me this year. Usually, New Hampshire is always an autumn guarantee of oohs and ahhs because of the vast amount of trees it has. Since the state is mostly rural, this is not even a thought in the minds of the natives. It has always been beautiful in the autumn and it is naturally expected to be so every fall. But this one, this one is spectacular!

I wish I had a Go-Pro because yesterday on me way to work, the leaves spiralled down doing that dance they do with the wind, and oh the colours! The road was a red carpet so brilliant and bright, the rain shower could not dull the colours. I decided to put a few pics up for you because I just want to share the loveliness that is New Hampshire where I live.

AND, because you have an affinity for Halloween, I have put in some pics of decorations around the way.

Foliage and view first:

Looking toward Manchester, N.H.

Autumn yellows and golds
Pretty drive on N. H. country road
New Hampshire back road

Red, gold and orange

Blue skies - red leaves

Colours at the edge of the woods

Fall Road

Maple dressed for Autumn

Red Carpet

Leaves on a barn floor

Pumpkin bucket topiary

Pumpkin Tree

Red Leaf Path

Pumpkin Children

Floating Jacks

Ghost Pond

Barn Decor

Our ghost and vampire dining table

Mummy in the office

Ghostly dining room

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

03 October, 2015

Here's an awful thought: Can one go without the elixir of the gods for even a day?

03 October 2015

R. Linda:

I often ponder what the world be coming to, but more importantly me ego is wondering what in the world me own world be coming to, especially if the world was to run out of coffee. I tell ya right up front, I'd be totally useless. Coffee be me life blood, me fix. Without it I become someone I don't recognise. Take the other morning, I got up because the dogs were making a ruckus they wanted out, they wanted to be fed, and they simply did not care it was the crack of dawn they were getting me up to satisfy their wants over me want of sleep!

I blindly went about the process of watering and feeding, and letting out. I was then waylaid by the cats, who wanted equal treatment, and so the same thing and THIS did not put me in a good mood. I knew I wouldn't make it back to bed, I was up even if I was in a sleep induced fog.

Enter the old one, shuffling in and muttering did I make the coffee? Well, duh no, no I didn't. I had been quite a bit busy!

She pulled up a stool and planted her elbows on the counter top, head in hands as if she had a headache and does nothing! I be starting to feel the insult of me doing everything for everyone. I grabbed the coffee pot, filled it with water, then fumbled for the coffee filters, slapped one in the coffee thingee and then grabbed the canister of coffee and what ho! NO FREAKING COFFEE. I was near beside meself I tell ya. How could this happen? We had coffee yesterday, then it dawned on me. The old woman (since arriving upon these shores) has developed the penchant for many cups of the black gold every hour on the hour and makes at least five pots a day, which she has the luxury of sipping at her leisure.

EMPTY!!! Oh the horror.
I turned to her speaking of the unfairness of not replacing the coffee, as she was still sitting slumped over the counter, eyes closed when I realised the sound I was hearing was her snoring! Yes, R. Linda she didn't have the decency to seem me reaction to the empty and horrifying thought that there would be no coffee that morning. Nor, did she hear that I was blaming her! No one was there to see the angst as I clutched the coffee measurer to me chest as if in heart attack mode, me breathing was hyperventilation at it's best, with no appreciative audience. The dogs and cats were out and SHE was out all asleep and SNORING like this situation was of no dire consequence. I tell ya!

I threw the measurer in the sink with a bang and that woke her with a start.

"Oh coffee be ready?" She asked blinking.

"No, coffee be not ready, there be no coffee because someone, I won't mention who, has drunk it all and did not replace it."

Nothing, not a stir, just sat there blinking at me like she had never seen me before in her entire life.

I sat across the counter staring at her as she blinked her way to sinking her head on her arms, on the counter and either she was feigning sleep or really back at it. I was about to shake her awake when the cheery wife enters with good mornings all around and if not for that I wouldn't have known the status of me mam, but that she gave herself away with a muffled "good morning'."

I explained the coffee situation in halting sentences trying to keep the tears from spilling over me face, as the pain of knowing I had to start me day coffee-less was more than staring me right in the face or in this case, empty cup. This explanation of a coffee hound's flagrant misuse of coffee, who was sitting across from me, brought that particular person to semi-conscientiousness as she mumbled her protests and said how I got her started on loving that beverage so therefore, it was all me fault!

The wife pulled a fast one and took herself off by covertly opening the side door where we could not see or hear her existing the bickering abode as she did not like mother/son confrontations and there have been some doozies! It took us two hours to discover the wife had left us on our own.

"Maybe she went for coffee," Mam suggested all hopeful.

"No, she went shopping, she does that when we bicker if you haven't noticed." I said pointing out the set of copper jello molds she decorated the kitchen with, the set of new cutlery we did not need, the new door mats, the set of wooden spoons, and the new curtains (we also did not need). That tell ya how many argys me and Mam have had?

Well, to make a very long coffee-less day short, Tonya did not appear until 5 p.m. Meanwhile, mam and I sat at the counter in our pyjamas, bickering. When Tonya appeared, she greeted us with, "Look what I bought Bickersons!"

She bought a Kurig coffee maker which lit the two of us still sleepy people up, only to find she forgot the K cups. How does that happen? She had picked up tea and hot chocolate K cups no coffee! I was near beside meself as she went back to the car to check for coffee K cups. She thought she bought some, so maybe they fell out of the bag.

I knew that would be too good to be true and as we two coffee-less wonders waited for her to come back the snipping started again.

"I tink wit dis ting she bought you will horde da cuppy tings." Mam threw at me.

We didn't even have it set up, we had no coffee k cups and already I was being accused of doing what she probably had in mind to do herself, I tell ya!

Tonya returned with a cup of Dunk's coffee in hand and wow did mam and I perk up. She took the last sip and announced she had not bought the coffee k cups. WHO DOES THAT TO SUFFERING PEOPLE? Stands there making a terrible announcement all the while holding a cup of joe and when asked if she had the wherewithal to buy US a cup, was told no, she thought by now we had gone out and gotten coffee. AS IF!

"Do you mean we are still out of coffee for tomorrow?" She asked.

I could have killed the cat I was so angry at her. DUH we are both still in pyjamas, does it look like we are wired? So no, we have not been out of the house.

She had put the Styro cup down. I grabbed it before me mam could get her arthritic hands around it and flipped off the lid. There at the bottom was one single drop! If I was not in coffee hell all day, I would have lifted the cup up to me mouth and let that last precious drop cruise into me waiting mouth, but because I could not focus, as the result of no coffee I tried to put me tongue inside the cup trying to lap up that last drop and of course me tongue isn't 8" long and couldn't do it! Even me mam groaned at me inability to get that last drop.

Well, that did it, I'll show Tonya. I took the left over Brussel sprouts (which I hate and she likes), threw them in the microwave and then ate every last one of them!

"I hope you're happy now that you have a vitamin rush probably going on, on an empty stomach no less, Mister." Said she.

"I be so." Said I as defiantly as I could.

I swiped me keys off the counter, put me slippers on and in full pyjama kit I was off to me car to drive to Dunken Donuts. Not because I had finally caved in for coffee craziness, it was because the taste of the Brussel sprouts was so yucky I couldn't stand it. I wasn't about to down a gallon of water in front of a smirking Tonya to kill the taste, so in me brainless haze I thought driving away the next best thing. See THIS is what happens when there is no coffee in the morning, brain does not work. And worse it causes you to do stupid things like eat Brussel sprouts when you don't even like them.

I noticed I needed petrol and was thinking I'd get me cuppa joe, some bags of dark roast for later and tomorrow, and then fill the old motor up with it's own brand of coffee. But as I pulled in to the petrol station/Dunken Donuts, I became vaguely aware of the sound of bing, bing, bing, which I had heard almost all the way to Dunks. It was the motor telling me it was on empty. I stopped and debated for not even a nanosecond that first was coffee, second was petrol. I pulled up to the drive thru and was two feet from the order microphone when me car died. Yes, if freaking died! Angry now, I got out and slammed the door shut, walked up to the order mic and gave me order. I walked around to the pick up window, much to the surprise of the workers inside, who noticed the outfit or lack of, got me two bags of coffee, gave me two cups (yes, I bought one for the old coot) and then walked over to the curb and sat down to enjoy and savour me cuppa.

Meanwhile, I am hearing the honking of horns when I realised there was a long line of cars in the drive thru line and they were honking at me empty motor. Nothing I could do about that I thought, still not thoroughly awake. I was still in need of coffee, so I started on the one I had bought me mam. As I was sitting on me curb, savouring, I saw a tow-truck, but I gave it no mind, and soon after I hear it coming around the building and what is it hauling? You guessed it, me petrol empty Saturn!

That got me awake with a jolt. I could have (had I been thinking clearly) gone over to the petrol station and got someone to steer the motor while I pushed it to a petrol dispenser. NOW I was going to be paying a 5 yard tow bill! REALLY? Oh yes, really. I went over to the station and they asked where I had been, and then handed me a bill for $150.00 towing charge and informed me they did me a favour before someone called the police and I got a fine for obstructing the flow of traffic through a drive thru (a coffee drive thru at that) and an impound fee. REALLY?! I mean REALLY REALLY? WOW. That was all I could say.

I vaguely wondered why they were looking at me funny and it wasn't until I was home, I realised what I was wearing. I was still in me PJ's and slippers!

I wrote out a cheque, had them gas up the motor, paid for that, and laid rubber taking off out of there. I was so furious, I hadn't realised I left me two bags of paid for coffee on the curb outside Dunks. I was so embarrassed (yes, the brain was kicking in) I did not drive back because I knew that bags of ground roast would be GONE! So when I got home empty handed, me mam was ready for me. Oh yes she was. It wasn't pretty I can tell ya that much!

Having disowned me as a son, she (still in her pyjamas), got in her Mini and off she went for a Turbo coffee and she probably bought the same two bags of dark roast, because the girl at the checkout said she just happened to have two bags left by some crazy absent minded customer who was dressed in pyjamas can you believe it. The girl stopped talking when she realised what she was looking at. An old lady in HER pyjamas! Uh huh. Mam told Tonya because of her Irish accent she goes inside because it takes an age of repeating herself at the drive thru. She said service was great, but the people that worked there were strange. They were looking at her funny. This said in the middle of the kitchen, her in pyjamas with fuzzy slippers and an old bathrobe, sipping her Turbo, completely oblivious.

I am sure she will realise WHY the Dunk's people were staring at her and the girl cut herself off abruptly when she comes down from the wired, bustling, coffee charged jolt her brain is currently experiencing. Me house is the cleanest I've ever seen it, she's somehow managed six loads of wash in two hours, and the floors shine so much they look like mirrors. I would love to laugh at her, but I did the same thing pyjama-wise and worse. So we won't be going there.

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

30 September, 2015

A Place I Will Avoid On Halloween

30 September 2015

R. Linda:

It came to me attention (as I drove the back roads looking to avoid traffic on highway road construction) that something was amiss up at a crossroads in the village I had come upon. It was the end of the day and I was on me way home, and was none to happy to see a stop coming. As I pulled up to the crossroad, I realised I hadn't avoided the road construction after all. There was a man in a day glow hard hat and what looked like a day glow space suit with a sign that said STOP and with his hand raised in me direction I had to, of course STOP.

See here 
I sat there looking at the mess in front of me. From what I could glean, a heavy dump truck loaded with topsoil had caved in part of the road shoulder just outside the old town cemetery. It looked like I was going to have to back up and go another way, but I had a line of motors behind me and construction trucks now in the way, so I would have nothing better to do than sit and wait. I watched the road crew try to push the truck out of the hole, all the while trying not to fall into it, but of course, that didn't work. I got out as had another driver and we stood there chatting about a course of action to get said truck out of said hole, but it was all beyond our power to really do much about the problem.

Line up of constructions trucks waiting to figure out what to do

I walked over to the man with the STOP sign and asked (because I be a nosey Parker) what had happened, as if the obvious wasn't the obvious. He told me what I told you but added that they were awaiting the town bucket loader. This giant thing arrived just as I was about to go ask the other drivers to back up so I could get out, but being a man when I saw that bucket loader, well I wanted to watch! 

It took some time for a discussion to go on before the big machinery was set up to pull the truck out. I  should mention that while they awaited the bucket loader's arrival, several workmen had climbed onto the dump truck and were shovelling the topsoil over the side while another contingent below shovelled it in a large pile next to the cemetery wall. It seemed after the hard winter we had last year, a good amount of ancient graves had sunk and well, the town elders ordered topsoil to fill in the indentations, thus the stuck dump truck bearing too much weight and road shoulder cave in.

I, and the other driver, were curious at what the workman, dump truck operator, and a few of the ground floor shovellers were pointing at below the tyres of the truck. We casually walked over and looked down to see a few old pine caskets below the tyres. Well, this was a dilemma for sure! They had to get the truck off there before it sunk further and exposed the occupants, broke the pine tops and caused more expense than already apparent!

We were asked if we saw what they saw and when we concurred, there was a pull of bandannas out of pockets, a wipe of the brow and then a look that said, "OH SHITE!" It was discussed with our help (for they seemed to think that we wearing business suits were idea men) would have to first gently and carefully raise the dump truck (unloaded of its topsoil), then get some granite slabs that were left over from another road job, bring them in and lay them gently on top of the exposed caskets and then use some of the topsoil to fill that hole. One of the men volunteered to be as far away from all this as possible by going to the local nursery for sod to lay over the topsoil. One must only think this guy had a tale to tell all at the nursery!

Well, as the bucket loader was easing the dump truck out of its hole, painfully slowly, the pastor from the church across the way came over. I guess he saw all this from his office window and was curious as to what in town was going on. He had only to look down into the hole before he gleaned the situation. His mouth formed a great O as he looked from exposed caskets to the ground crew. He was told what was going to happen next and he nixed that in the bud. 

"No, no, we must say words over the poor souls down there before anything is done." 

Meanwhile, by coincidence, another motor joined our line of halted vehicles and out of it was a man dressed as a priest. He saw the pastor and waved, as he came on.

"Oh no," the pastor murmured, "we are in for an ecumenical service now!"

And he was right, as soon as the priest from the next town over looked in the hole, he took a step back and with a wide smile, declared it a "witches hole" and an exorcism needed.

As you can imagine, the words "witches hole" made everyone uncomfortable, the urge now was to just cover it up fast and get the hell out of there as everyone and I mean everyone who had been on the edge of the hole looking down, moved back in unison.

"You can see the caskets are buried outside the cemetery wall, and can rightly assume these folks were not permitted entrance to sacred burial within the walls. Therefore, we can rightly assume they were witches, murderers, or worse." Father Patrick declared with (I will admit) a fair amount of joy in his voice.

For the life of me I could not think what was worse than being a witch or murderer but OK. The truck driver asked him what was to be done next, but not before he informed the priest that granite slabs were being dispatched as they spoke, sod was coming and they had enough extra topsoil to fill in the hole (he thought). 

"Well," Father Patrick said looking at the pastor, "John I know there is a full moon tonight, be perfect for an exorcism and once I put on that show, you can give the blessings to the departed cleansed souls and the slabs can be put on and everything tidied up."

"Don't you need the Bishop and Pope's approval for that?" Pastor John asked.

"Well, this is a dire situation and I think we can forego all that." Father Patrick said with some authority.

Sounded to me and me fellow drivers of which now there were all of them out of their motors, that we would be stuck here until the moon was up! But before any of us could protest the town clerk appeared with questions and legalities galore. This person declared it wasn't a church problem it was a TOWN PROBLEM! Oh yes, that opened a discussion that got most heated between the clergy and the clerk, then the work crew joined in (something about overtime) and then being informed no overtime because they were the cause of the said event, and soon after we drivers were in on the "discussion" because as all this was going on a large earth breaker tractor had pulled up behind the line of cars and guess what? It had broken down (operator had left the motor running the entire time and it ran out of diesel and there was no diesel to be had but two towns over, and it would require a tanker to fill up the earth mover, I tell ya!), and no vehicle could go forward or backward to get out of the line of motors now parked on the small road. GREAT!

Too much time was spent with arguments going on all around the dead in the hole, that people who lived on the common were coming out of their houses to see what the chatter was about and this bought more chatter and the attention of the Baptist minister who heard the sound thinking a town meeting had broken out without his knowledge, and of course he scooted down the road to find out what the subject was, and if he had any dealings in it and well you know he did. When he heard the clerical show that was going to go on once the moon rose, he wanted in!

Well, this lead to the two main officiants saying no, because that meant they would have to ask the Methodist minister, the Unitarians, the Jehovah's Witnesses, the Christian Scientists, and whoever was left from a religious denomination to join in and my God we'd all be there until the middle of next week!

That was enough for all of us to join in the fray and inform the Baptist minister he could not utter a word, the other two had it by a vote of all there and basically to seal his lips and stop shaking his head no, it was so ordained and that was that.

Meanwhile, the town clerk was on the phone, the selectmen had arrived with the town lawyer and oh R. Linda, it was awful the shouting at the holy people, the work crew defending the clergy (because they wanted out of there and they knew the town lawyer would get an injunction and we'd all be there into the middle of next year if he did that.

So by this time the day was setting, the moon was just starting to shine over the Congregational Church across the way, the priest had called someone at his church to bring the necessary vestments and holy water and so he was all set, town lawyer, injunction or no. The pastor of the Congregational Church had only to run across the way for his glasses and Bible and well, the religious part was ready. The slabs had arrived, the sod was there, the towns folk had made sandwiches and lemonade for all bystanders and witnesses to the SHOW because that was really what it was, about to be performed for the entertainment and awe of all standing around, and possibly to actually bless the poor exposed dead in their caskets and damn the town clerk and her assembly. 

I called home and no one there believed me, of course they wouldn't, I wouldn't have believed me either. They were all for driving on over to see for themselves if Gabriel was telling the truth or not. I told them not to we'd never get out that village for the number of gawkers who were arriving with lawn chairs, thermoses of coffee and hot chocolate, all we needed was a campfire and marshmallows. Gees, small towners!

So I and many people I didn't know and still don't, were subject to watching the moon rise, the Catholic priest doing his thing and then the pastor doing his, followed by all of us helping to get those slabs in place, filling in the hole, and cutting and placing sod over the top. All this while the town clerk muttered about it being illegal and that the caskets should have been dug up and put inside the cemetery walls. Of course, she was told that those below were witches or murderers or what have you, but she argued they'd had an exorcism against their will and were supposedly cleansed, and then she was told by the road crew they were probably satanists and the whole affair wouldn't mean a damn to them, and on this went until a tanker arrived with diesel for the earth mover and we could all go home.

I haven't heard a word since. No one wrote about this but me! I won't mention the village or anyones name in case they decided they want to throw me in that hole. But what a way to spend the end of a work day!

I had arrived home full of dirt, pieces of grass on me jacket and a sweaty shirt filled with stains of all kinds, including holy water; which because I was standing too close to the hole, sprayed me. I was up to the edge for the crowd who came to "witness" and because I had been there first on the scene and thought I deserved a front row view. I am lucky I wasn't pushed over the side and down into the grave. I will tell ya this, I won't be driving that way any time soon. Call me superstitious, but come Halloween, I have a feeling those spirits will rise out of that hole and come looking for those who disturbed them and made a spectacle of spectres who only wanted eternal rest outside or inside the walls of that cemetery, I don't think it really mattered which side to them. Or witch. 

Just in front of the wall -- a witch hole?
Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

15 September, 2015

A series of unfortunate events - Part 2

15 September 2015

R. Linda:

The drone and bat incident has faded from memory after a week. The weather was not conducive to a search in the woods, so the drone be still out there. The kiddos won't go into the woods without me, so it will stay there until I get meself in the mood to schlep through the boggy area. Tonya tells me it probably killed the bat and that's what we'll find. Pleasant isn't she?

This last Saturday, I was to meet a friend for lunch. This be a friend from the old neighbourhood who I haven't seen since I moved. He told me he'd meet me half the distance between me house and his house. I was pleased too, a little gossip from the old neighbourhood was always a treat and getting away from the Honey Do list an even bigger one.

Meanwhile, as I be getting ready and unbeknownst to meself, me grey haired, apple cheeked mam was planning a foray of her own. She had bought herself a bright blue Mini-Cooper and every opportunity to take it out was followed by any excuse she could think up. Saturday it was picking up a "few odds and ends." I gave that no thought and didn't ask her when or where, as me mind was not present and so I went to shower.

I got meself ready and picked up me phone to see I was ten minutes behind. Me watch battery was fading and well, I know to change it instead of rely on it slowing things and me down. I took off in a muck sweat and drove the 30 minutes through the woods to the highway, then another 20 on the highway to the town we were meeting in. This town has a common, or green, in this case called an oval, and the traffic if you don't live in New Hampshire, can confuse an out-of-stater. The oval has the right of way, the two streets leading off (one goes north/south, the other goes east/west) have to wait as there is no stop light, just a stop sign at both intersections. When a car goes around the oval then the motors coming from the north can move forward into the oval traffic, that is IF a motor pulling out from the west doesn't proceed first. There was a motor from Illinois in front of me inching out thinking the oval traffic would stop to let him out. Oval traffic always has the right of way, so I knew that wasn't happening. You had to wait for that to lighten up and hope no one from the west intersection was pulling out as you were. The motors waiting at the north where all New Hampshire plates so they knew the drill, and as an opening came from the oval, they would begin pulling into it. But Mr. Illinois wasn't sure how to proceed, so inch by inch and minute by minutes I sat there behind him with a long line of New Hampshire folk looking very disgruntled behind me. Finally, Illinois took a chance and flew on out. There was no one in the west intersection by this time, so that problem of bumper cars was solved. I guess Illinois figured it was as good a time as any to gun the motor on out into the abyss of oval traffic.

So now it be me turn. I get to the edge of the walk lines and I notice the west intersection be still clear, but lots of motors going round the oval because now I could see the signs for a church rummage sale in front of the community centre and road construction at the bottom of the oval which is where I wanted to go. Traffic backup was the problem, so I begin inching out but the oval cars were exiting toward the west intersection making a barrier in front of me. Finally, I see the motors beginning to move, but more cars are taking the east/west intersection so I cannot move, unless traffic opens up and I can zoom off into the oval. The traffic started to stop for cars pulling out of the library (some scout meeting it looked further up in the east lane) and I thought ok someone will surely stop and let me through since they can't go anywhere. I was looking for someone to stop when I see this small motor come heading east and I see this white haired old lady making gestures over the top of her steering column, like waving me to move forward, but then she isn't stopping either and I be watching her in wonder as I realise she be bopping to music and keeping time with her waving me forward, but not, hand. She comes to a stop right in front of me, blocking me from moving forward, and I look at her and its ME OWN APPLE CHEEKED GREY HAIRED MAM! I tell ya. She was oblivious to the fact she was holding up a whole line of irate New Hampshire farmers who had started blowing their horns at ME! Like I was the problem. I was near beside meself trying to get her attention, but no, no, she was into ZZ Top's She's Got Legs. Yes, I could hear the music blasting from her open window.

"Mam!" I yelled out me window at her. "MAM!"

Nothing. She never even looked in me direction, so engrossed in the music was she. I hear a horn sound to me left and there be me wife laughing. She had kept her Beetle a car space so I could get through. She knew it was me oblivious mam holding up the works. I was able to crane the steering to the left and manoeuvre me way through. I waved thanking her and went on me way. Of course, later when I confronted the old woman she said she didn't know what I was talking about. Right!

"ZZ Tops? Never heard of em'." She huffed.

Anyway, I had a bit of a sketchy lunch at a Russian place (which made me nervous because the last Russian restaurant I was in I met up with Uncle Boris), so I ordered pierogis and while I think they were delicious, I was too preoccupied to notice really. So when I got home I was peckish and for some crazy reason, O'Hare's peanut butter and jelly sanny looked like just the thing. I got the bread, I got the jelly and I could not find the peanut butter.

"Bud, where's the peanut butter at?" I asked the munching child of mine.

"I dunno, grandma made the sandwich." He said.

I looked everywhere and couldn't find it thinking maybe she used the last bit on O'Hare's sanny. I settled for toast, butter and jelly.

I was rinsing off O'Hare's and my dishes when I went to put the dishes in the dishwasher and what did I find on the top shelf? THE PEANUT BUTTER thats what! The old bird had a mind fart and instead of placing the jar in the cupboard, she put it in the dishwasher. I was so glad I didn't start the thing. Can you imagine?

I truly hope I have a better week.

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

A series of unfortunate events - Part 1

15 September 2015

R. Linda:

The stars must be misaligned in me life or something strange be going on. It seems that things happen that are questionable to downright bizarre.

It all started when we had two days of rain. The first one was heavy downpour which meant there was no outside activities for me three kiddos. The one celebrated a birthday recently and was given a drone-like toy that had remote control. I thought it was a gift that should have gone to me eldest as it seemed rather advanced for me middle one, BUT he was thrilled to have something his older brother wanted. I had been pestered all day about flying the thing, and was shown the box by the older kiddo which said the toy could be flown (yes FLOWN) inside. I was reluctant but being hounded by the two older ones I gave in.

The mini-drone is made of lightweight metal, has small led lights which make it colourful and easy to see. So caving in I read the directions (which did make me think operating the thing would be tricky at best). Being the adult or as me wife says, the big kid in the house, I put it on the kitchen counter, got out the remote, installed proper batteries and was all set to fly. Up it went, lights blinking and then zoom around the living room (good we have open concept). The kiddos were all enjoying it swoop when I learned lesson number one. Put the dogs out first before flying anything because they came in hearing the funny buzzing noise, saw the thing up in the air and started barking and chasing after it, jaws snapping. It was sort of funny watching Dragon's dog (yes, the hound is still with us because she didn't want to fly back with in (probably thought it would fall off her broom, and be a perfect excuse for her to come back here) jumping up in the air all 70 lbs. of him trying to grab the thing like it was a Frisbee. He looked a twisted pretzel each time he came down to earth. This of course, had me nervous and I was trying me best to keep the thing from the jaws of certain destruction, and not having flown it before, well it was dicey to say the least. Not only were the dogs after it, the two cats were in on the fray, swiping at the dogs as they went and leaping up at the flying ship like it was a bird to be devoured. I tell ya chaos reigned!

I was so inundated with the unwanted activity, and the noise, that I lost control of the thing and it plummeted to the couch (luckily behind it) where I was the only one (with long arms) who could fish it out. That was that. I told the kiddos next nice day we'd take it outside. I won't tell you what the wife had to say to me about it, your ears would ring.

Next day (Sunday) it was drizzly so no flying the little drone. Disappointed kiddos all around and probably dogs too. Anyway after lunch I went to sit down and read A Light In The Forest by me partly opened window. Me oldest kiddo was reading it in school and I usually read his books to be on top of his homework. The book is about Native Americans and as I was sitting there engrossed in the story, I hear the sound of drums, the jingle of small bells, a flute and chanting. I woke from me reverie thinking how bizarre was that to get that into a book, BUT I could still hear the sound! It was like what you hear when Native Americans dance around the campfire and the persistent beat of the drums and the singing didn't stop with me putting the book down.

I told the wife and she came over and heard it too. At first she told me I was crazy and hearing things, then she started laughing. Nice one, give me the gaslight treatment. I was happy to know I wasn't losing what little was left of me mind.

"Oh," says she, "that's the pow wow going on in back of us. There were signs for it. The people who own the sugar shack put it on every year. I took the boys to it one year."

O K then. Gabe is quite sane and not losing his marbles anytime soon. Good news for me. I will say the rest of the book went flying by as I was serenaded the entire afternoon with the sounds of the pow wow. Made the story very realistic. We got the boys to come listen, the middle one didn't care, the youngest had no clue, but the eldest said he'd been to the pow wow and it was a bunch of white guys making like they had native blood. No biggy. Well, O K then so much for the magic I was feeling.

Monday, when I came home from work I was pestered to near death about flying the drone.

"Oh please Da, can we fly it? Come on Da, pull-eseee!"

Oi! So it was twilight and Tonya told me we had 45 minutes before dinner, so out we went drone and controls in hand.

O'Hare had read the directions and told me he didn't need me to help him and off the thing flew and I was amazed how high it went. I thought for sure we'd lose it in the clouds. I was also glad we don't live in an air plane path! I told him to bring it down and he eased it but then it starting coming down at him. Gees! He ran off and it smashed to the ground, but remarkably it was not broken. He told me it was hard to bring down. So I took the controls and got the thing back in the air, and as I was raising it I was making sure it wasn't going too high, it was twilight and getting hard to see. But the flashing lights kept it in view when suddenly out of no where Count Dracula comes flying in, in his bat suit and swooped at the drone. I was like what the hell? The drone was slightly bigger than the bat, so this behaviour I thought rather strange. But the bat continued to follow the drone and swoop down at it, hitting it twice. This of course had Guido in a panic his drone would be smashed by the bat. I raised the drone higher into the top of the king pines thinking the bat wouldn't follow it, but it did! This unnerved me and as I went to bring the drone down, but in me excited state I pressed the wrong switch and the thing went up into the pine tree tops. Where it landed we have no idea, but we think it still be up there.

The bat I don't know where that went to, maybe it got the drone but really? So for the last week the kiddos are doing their own dance around the fire pit hoping for a windy day that the drone will be knocked from the king pines to the ground where hopefully, the drone will be still fit to evade Count Dracula, dogs, cats and little kids on another day.

That was the start of the strangeness. Maybe not so strange for me, but it continued.

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved

19 August, 2015


15 August 2015

R. Linda:

Do you remember Wolfie's jaguar I drove from the dealership many years ago because he wasn't available to pick it up? You will never guess where that motor is now. I thought it was long gone but he sold it to his neighbour at the time, Captain Jack!

When the captain got new plates for it, he got plates that went along with his profession of Captain Jack impersonator. I won't reveal them (as I don't advertise on the blog) but they have to do with the ship the Black Pearl. The only thing I will give away be that his Maine plates have a light house on them to boot and I thought that pretty cool. Anyway, the Captain thought they were fun plates and I assume he has many stories to tell if he was dressed as the Captain and driving the car with the Pearl plates on it. AND, because he left his car at my abode and told us to use it if we liked, I now have a couple of stories to tell too.

To the beginning of how I got the car in the first place. The Captain had an engagement, a normal engagement. He was to host his friend's early retirement party dressed in regular clothes without the Captain Jack persona which I am sure made an appearance at the party in voice form and jokes. Because he was driving down with a friend to the Lowell Lawrence area, he did not want to take the Jag. His friend who lives on the Massachusetts border offered to drive instead, but he lives in Concord, Mass. and that is out of the way for the Captain, so they made arrangements to leave the car safely with me, being the in-between route convenient to both of them.

When the Captain arrived dressed like a modern person, I almost didn't recognise him. But me kiddos were convinced Johnny Depp was in out yard because that's who he looks like normally. SO he was kind enough to put the Captain persona on and entertain the kiddos and at the same time hand me his car keys and tell me if I had need of the "Pearl's services, just hoist her sails and go mate."

I assured him the Pearl was in safe harbour and I wouldn't need her but it was nice of him to offer. The friend had meanwhile pulled up the driveway (YES I HAVE ONE AT LONG LAST) and off they went leaving the Pearl parked gleaming in the driveway. On the back window of the Pearl there is a decal of a pirate ship and the boyos were all about it.

Here take a look:

Yar Captian! Who does that? Puts a decal on a Jaguar?

The Pearl stood docked most of the day by the side of the house, the boys out playing pirates not too far away and referring to the Pearl as they played different parts from all of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

It was around 1:30 when me wife took me Saturn to go shopping (her VW in the shop). Me Mam was in the kitchen making Irish shortbread when she ran out of caster sugar and some secret ingredient she would not tell me what. She does that. So I offered to run to the store to get her what she needed but because of the secret ingredient she informed me only she could go. The only car we had was -- you guessed it -- the Pearl.

"Now Mam," I said holding up the keys, "ye moost take a care this be THE Pearl and not me motor."

"Oh give me the keys!" She swiped them from me. "Of course I will take a caution, I know wot kind of motor dat is. Pearl me foot."

And off she went saying to me as she began pulling out, "A sailin' I be goin'". I really had no concerns she'd be careful, because unlike the Dragon-in-law me Mam can see.

So off she went, delicately and slowly down the DRIVEWAY (I love I can write that) and out of sight as the wee ones saluted her with their pirate swords.

When she returned she was laughing. I thought that odd, so I took her sack of groceries and followed her inside completely forgetting to peek in the sack to see what the secret ingredient was.

"What are ye laughin' at?" I asked.

"Oh Gabriel, it be a fun ting drivin' dat motor it be." She said unpacking and her Irish accent getting thick. "I wus standin' at the checkout and I luked oot da window and the motor wus parked directly in me view. Dere wus a ten year old boy and his Da pointing at the plates and da kiddo wus animated and worse, his Da wus all excited. I wus tinkin' uh oh, dey tink Captain Jack be goin' to coom oot and drive da motor. Wot a surprise ta see soom old lady gettin' inta it. I jus couldna do it ta em'. So, I waited in the doorway fur em' ta coom inside befur I went oot." She explained between giggles.

In all her concern about breaking the spell for the lad and his Da, she hadn't noticed the secret ingredient was missing.

"Ooh dey didn't pack it." Says she.

I offered to go get it just to have a whirl in the Jag. She gave me an "I doon knoo."

"Ah come on Ma, I promise not to give up the secret ingredient to anyone. Just be our secret." I promised.

"Welll . . . ok den. Git da green sprinkles, da sugar crystals."

"Green sprinkles? THATS the secret ingredient?"

It was so off taking the Pearl for a sail I was. I went feeling like a rich guy driving that vehicle. I was wondering if I looked like anyone famous that I could impersonate them and be able to afford a Jaguar, or a BMW, or a Mercedes even. But no, me face is me face so I told meself in the mirror to get over it and enjoy the ride while I could.

I forgot all about looking to see if anyone was admiring the Pearl when I came out of the grocery store. I was oblivious wondering how many appearances it took to afford a high class motor. But then I realised the car was not the Captain's originally it was the Wolf's. I knew how he could afford it and probably ten others, and was wondering why HE would buy a sporty Jag and not a Lamborghini. But then he has kiddos too, so yeah you can't take but one person with you in a Lamborghini. Oh well.

As I made me way gently on the back roads to me neck of the woods, I was just twenty yards from me DRIVEWAY entrance when I see about thirty bikers come from the other direction. I couldn't make me turn until they passed unless I gunned it and I wasn't about to risk the Pearl (not that I didn't think it would make it, it would but for the gravel hitting the sides). So I stopped with blinker on and waved them by.

The leader of the biker group, I large suntanned and shirtless individual, except for a leather biker vest pointed to me license plate and said something over his shoulder to the bunch behind them. They all looked and every single one raised their fist in salute as they passed by shouting "HAR!"

It took me by total surprised and I laughed so hard I almost choked meself. I have to sit down with the Captain one day and ask him what happens when HE be at the wheel dressed in costume. Must be a hoot.

Tonya, after hearing me Mam and my story told me to ask the Captain to lend me the Pearl for Halloween I could get away dressed up as Captain Jack and ride around to find out just what it must be like to sail the Pearl and look the part.

Copyright © 2015 All rights reserved


  1. I remember that car! Gabe, abso-bloody-lutely as me Da would say, dress up for a Halloween drive! Would be quite a trip, or sail as the case may be. Or, better yet drive the Captain around and see what happens. LOL
  2. ROFLMAO forgot to count how many times you used DRIVEWAY! I thought wolf got rid of that c ar A captain in a jag? You need to take a picture with him behind the wheel. 


    1. I DO have a picture of him driving it. I have to find it.
  3. how cool would that be? a day in the life or how the other half lives? i'd dress up and do it.


    1. You are so ON salad girl. You dress up, I'll drive LMAO
    2. She doesn't have to be dressed as a salad, does she? 
    3. A salad would be good. Just stick a pirate hat on it and she'd be good to sail, LOL.
  4. I remember when he got that motor too!! Very nice. I dunno about dressing up as a pirate though driving it Gabe, will spoil the image for me lol
  5. No one sails the Pearl without the Captain aboard matey. I'd be happy to come dressed the part, anchor in your DRIVEWAY, pick you up (only if you dress as Hook, mate) and take you for a sail around your harbor and let you experience first hand the overwhelming joy of being me!


    1. You sound like the person that sold you the Pearl MATE, without the good hair. Full of ourselves are we? LMAO