27 March 2014
732
R. Linda:
Because of me work schedule, I sometimes get a weekday off instead of a weekend. So it was yesterday when I thought I could be sleeping in but that didn't happen, no, no it wasn't meant to be. I got kiddos coming in zombie-like for a kiss-goodbye before they were off to school. I fell back into me pillow as they shuffled out and then ten minutes later, the wife came in for the same reason, she be off to work. I couldn't manage to lift me head for the kiss but she leaned down and smack and goodbye and out she went. I sighed that FINALLY, I'd get some more shuteye.
Within minutes I could feel the bed move, and I knew the dog was climbing in to take Tonya's place. If Tonya was still home that would never happen, but it was me, and our lurvey setter knew I'd not chase her. I think I had drifted off when I was awakened by a large wet tongue licking the side of me face. It was warm slobber and well that grossed me out immediately I sat up in bed throwing the dog off me.
"UGH! YOU gnarly hound stop it. Get off with you," I waved her off the bed and wiped me face with the sheet. As I sat there wondering if it was worth a try to sleep again, in came the same doggy culprit carrying her food bowl between her teeth. I got it, she wasn't fed, Tonya did what she always does, leaving me to feed the zoo if I am home on me day off!
I got out of bed and thundered over the old floorboards grabbing the bowl from the setter who was wagging her tail and dancing around like I was the can opener on legs. I got the food in the bowl, got her fresh water and then thundered back to bed where I slammed the door behind me.
It wasn't three minutes I was in there snug as a bug in a rug, when I heard this roaring sound. I opened one eye, then the other but nothing did I see in me groggy state it was a familiar sound so I let it go and shut me eyes. Suddenly me head felt very warm like I was wearing a hat. I reached up and felt a furry body stretched over me head and knew the damn cat was in bed with me now! AND sleeping in its favourite place, which be on me head!
I knew he hadn't eaten either, so I pushed him off to which, unlike the setter, he stood looking at me all indignant. I thundered over the old floorboards to the kitchen, and once again piled on the food for culprit number two, WHO, had the nerve to slowly make his way into the kitchen, as he rubbed up against the walls, the door, the dog, and finally made his way to the food bowl where he sniffed it and then tail straight up stalked away because we did not like the choice for breakfast. I wanted to throw that bowl of glop after him, but I refrained and poured me coffee instead.
I sat down and realised me newspaper wasn't brought in so I tramped out to the cold to get it. I stood on the porch and it wasn't in its usual place, no indeed, it was down in the snow. Having no slippers on me bare feet and too mad and lazy to go get them, I pounded down the stairs into the cold icy snow and retrieved the paper. I was quite a bit chilled and thought a sip of me coffee would warm me up. I went back to the kitchen took a swig and was rewarded with what was akin to iced coffee. Tonya hadn't left it on the heat, no she thought I'd be sleeping in, so she left it to get cold. WONDERFUL!
I set to brewing a fresh pot and realised I'd get no more sleep, so while the coffee brewed I took meself for a shower. I turned the water on to get it warm while I shaved and then once me face was less hairy, I got in the shower to find the water wasn't in the least warm it was like ice water. I danced around holding me breath when reaching for the towel I neglected to put out. When I realised there was no towel, I had no choice but to get out of the tub dripping wet and freezing. I went to the linen closet leaving a trail of water behind me when I found the towels were all used that morning by the boys and wife along with the hot water, and there was none to be had. Cursing royally I made me way to the kitchen in the nude, still very wet and cold, to find a tea towel (we had one clean) and I stood there drying off when there was a knocking on me door. I froze.
You know me kitchen has that great big Williamsburg window and two small cottage windows. The door is right next to the big window and that door has windows and there I was just behind the fireplace by the stove where the cabinet over the stove held the tea towels. Had I been seen? I wasn't sure. But even if I was, I was not about to come out of that corner and go answer the door wearing nothing but a tiny tea towel! Gees Louise! I tell ya.
So there I was tucked in the corner hoping whoever it was would go away, but the dog heard the knock and had come bounding into the kitchen barking at the door. But then she'd trot to where I was and stand looking at me barking, like "Gabe, answer the door!" So me hiding spot was given away by the ever-helpful watchdog. I tried to shoo her away, but she decided it was a game, to where she'd get down on her two front legs, butt in the air and bark at me, then, being a quick and fleet sort, she rushed me and got the towel and took off with it. Now I had NOTHING to cover me with, NOTHING. I could see her in the living room throwing the towel in the air and pouncing on it, then she'd run in the kitchen bark at the door and run back to throw the towel in the air. I was furious but kept meself hidden and quiet and as motionless as possible in case I cast any kind of a moving shadow.
Finally, the knocking ceased, the dog came in and laid down at me feet and I figured it was safe to come out of the corner. I stole a look before leaving me hiding spot, but saw no one. I ran, yes I did, I ran for the bedroom and got me slightly dry self dressed. Then I ran to the front door to see if I could see who had been at me door, but no one did I see until Lois suddenly popped up in the glass part of the door window. We stood there motionless looking at each other. She had bent down to leave a bottle of homemade maple syrup she had made for us and was about to tack a note to the door. I shyly opened the door not sure what to say or do about the nude dry-off she might have seen, or why I had been home and not answered the door. She was acting kind of strange herself which made me wonder more just how much of me she had seen!
"I . . . uh . . . I brought you some maple syrup I made a few batches and I know O'Hare loves dark maple syrup on his pancakes." She said haltingly, which wasn't Lois's way at all. This made me very nervous.
"I am sorry Lois, I was on the back porch and didn't hear you knocking until it was too late and then well, I went to look for you and here you are," I said just as nervously but more like a right arse.
"Oh that's okay, I knew you must be busy. So, I'll be on my way." She smiled nervously at me as she handed me the large bottle of syrup wrapped in a hand towel. "Oh, if you want the towel there you can keep it." She said as she started down the steps.
I KNEW IT, yes I knew then she had seen me romping about looking for a towel. Was I embarrassed you betcha I was!
"Or, if you want I have a load of extra curtains I don't use and I could drop them by." This cast at me over her shoulder as she walked down the path away from me, her shoulders shaking in laughter.
I stood there watching her, me mind thinking about how the next neighbourhood get-together would be. Yup, Lois has a big mouth and I know I will hear snickers and be the butt of innuendos and such. Oh yeah. I took a deep breath and gently closed the door. My life was over. Children would sneak through the woods to point at me abode and the leader would tell the others, "That's where the guy lives. He doesn't wear any clothes, he's a hermit. Likes to dress up in tea towels."
Oh yeah, life is over.
Gabe
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
Because of me work schedule, I sometimes get a weekday off instead of a weekend. So it was yesterday when I thought I could be sleeping in but that didn't happen, no, no it wasn't meant to be. I got kiddos coming in zombie-like for a kiss-goodbye before they were off to school. I fell back into me pillow as they shuffled out and then ten minutes later, the wife came in for the same reason, she be off to work. I couldn't manage to lift me head for the kiss but she leaned down and smack and goodbye and out she went. I sighed that FINALLY, I'd get some more shuteye.
Within minutes I could feel the bed move, and I knew the dog was climbing in to take Tonya's place. If Tonya was still home that would never happen, but it was me, and our lurvey setter knew I'd not chase her. I think I had drifted off when I was awakened by a large wet tongue licking the side of me face. It was warm slobber and well that grossed me out immediately I sat up in bed throwing the dog off me.
"UGH! YOU gnarly hound stop it. Get off with you," I waved her off the bed and wiped me face with the sheet. As I sat there wondering if it was worth a try to sleep again, in came the same doggy culprit carrying her food bowl between her teeth. I got it, she wasn't fed, Tonya did what she always does, leaving me to feed the zoo if I am home on me day off!
I got out of bed and thundered over the old floorboards grabbing the bowl from the setter who was wagging her tail and dancing around like I was the can opener on legs. I got the food in the bowl, got her fresh water and then thundered back to bed where I slammed the door behind me.
It wasn't three minutes I was in there snug as a bug in a rug, when I heard this roaring sound. I opened one eye, then the other but nothing did I see in me groggy state it was a familiar sound so I let it go and shut me eyes. Suddenly me head felt very warm like I was wearing a hat. I reached up and felt a furry body stretched over me head and knew the damn cat was in bed with me now! AND sleeping in its favourite place, which be on me head!
I knew he hadn't eaten either, so I pushed him off to which, unlike the setter, he stood looking at me all indignant. I thundered over the old floorboards to the kitchen, and once again piled on the food for culprit number two, WHO, had the nerve to slowly make his way into the kitchen, as he rubbed up against the walls, the door, the dog, and finally made his way to the food bowl where he sniffed it and then tail straight up stalked away because we did not like the choice for breakfast. I wanted to throw that bowl of glop after him, but I refrained and poured me coffee instead.
I sat down and realised me newspaper wasn't brought in so I tramped out to the cold to get it. I stood on the porch and it wasn't in its usual place, no indeed, it was down in the snow. Having no slippers on me bare feet and too mad and lazy to go get them, I pounded down the stairs into the cold icy snow and retrieved the paper. I was quite a bit chilled and thought a sip of me coffee would warm me up. I went back to the kitchen took a swig and was rewarded with what was akin to iced coffee. Tonya hadn't left it on the heat, no she thought I'd be sleeping in, so she left it to get cold. WONDERFUL!
I set to brewing a fresh pot and realised I'd get no more sleep, so while the coffee brewed I took meself for a shower. I turned the water on to get it warm while I shaved and then once me face was less hairy, I got in the shower to find the water wasn't in the least warm it was like ice water. I danced around holding me breath when reaching for the towel I neglected to put out. When I realised there was no towel, I had no choice but to get out of the tub dripping wet and freezing. I went to the linen closet leaving a trail of water behind me when I found the towels were all used that morning by the boys and wife along with the hot water, and there was none to be had. Cursing royally I made me way to the kitchen in the nude, still very wet and cold, to find a tea towel (we had one clean) and I stood there drying off when there was a knocking on me door. I froze.
You know me kitchen has that great big Williamsburg window and two small cottage windows. The door is right next to the big window and that door has windows and there I was just behind the fireplace by the stove where the cabinet over the stove held the tea towels. Had I been seen? I wasn't sure. But even if I was, I was not about to come out of that corner and go answer the door wearing nothing but a tiny tea towel! Gees Louise! I tell ya.
So there I was tucked in the corner hoping whoever it was would go away, but the dog heard the knock and had come bounding into the kitchen barking at the door. But then she'd trot to where I was and stand looking at me barking, like "Gabe, answer the door!" So me hiding spot was given away by the ever-helpful watchdog. I tried to shoo her away, but she decided it was a game, to where she'd get down on her two front legs, butt in the air and bark at me, then, being a quick and fleet sort, she rushed me and got the towel and took off with it. Now I had NOTHING to cover me with, NOTHING. I could see her in the living room throwing the towel in the air and pouncing on it, then she'd run in the kitchen bark at the door and run back to throw the towel in the air. I was furious but kept meself hidden and quiet and as motionless as possible in case I cast any kind of a moving shadow.
Finally, the knocking ceased, the dog came in and laid down at me feet and I figured it was safe to come out of the corner. I stole a look before leaving me hiding spot, but saw no one. I ran, yes I did, I ran for the bedroom and got me slightly dry self dressed. Then I ran to the front door to see if I could see who had been at me door, but no one did I see until Lois suddenly popped up in the glass part of the door window. We stood there motionless looking at each other. She had bent down to leave a bottle of homemade maple syrup she had made for us and was about to tack a note to the door. I shyly opened the door not sure what to say or do about the nude dry-off she might have seen, or why I had been home and not answered the door. She was acting kind of strange herself which made me wonder more just how much of me she had seen!
"I . . . uh . . . I brought you some maple syrup I made a few batches and I know O'Hare loves dark maple syrup on his pancakes." She said haltingly, which wasn't Lois's way at all. This made me very nervous.
"I am sorry Lois, I was on the back porch and didn't hear you knocking until it was too late and then well, I went to look for you and here you are," I said just as nervously but more like a right arse.
"Oh that's okay, I knew you must be busy. So, I'll be on my way." She smiled nervously at me as she handed me the large bottle of syrup wrapped in a hand towel. "Oh, if you want the towel there you can keep it." She said as she started down the steps.
I KNEW IT, yes I knew then she had seen me romping about looking for a towel. Was I embarrassed you betcha I was!
"Or, if you want I have a load of extra curtains I don't use and I could drop them by." This cast at me over her shoulder as she walked down the path away from me, her shoulders shaking in laughter.
I stood there watching her, me mind thinking about how the next neighbourhood get-together would be. Yup, Lois has a big mouth and I know I will hear snickers and be the butt of innuendos and such. Oh yeah. I took a deep breath and gently closed the door. My life was over. Children would sneak through the woods to point at me abode and the leader would tell the others, "That's where the guy lives. He doesn't wear any clothes, he's a hermit. Likes to dress up in tea towels."
Oh yeah, life is over.
Gabe
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
4 comments:
Ohhh sorry I have to laugh LOLOLOLOLOL
woo hoo!
LMAO OK! so I laughed! HARD! maybe Lois thought you were trying her nudie way of life.
Your life is so damn interesting. Never a dull moment, LMAO
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