14 May 2014
740
R. Linda:
This might be more indicative of a Weasil child than me own. But it happened just this way.
Me eldest O'Hare, is very attached to Grandmother Dragon, so for Mother's Day he wanted to send her something special along with whatever Tonya was going to send mummy dearest. So he searched around and could find nothing that suited the bling-bling-loving Dragon. His Mam offered to help him but he didn't want her to, he wanted it to be from himself, you know special.
Now, I suggested he create something with crayons, glitter and glue but he vetoed that as being "too babyish." Well, ok then.
After three days of this, I noticed Guido and O'Hare with their heads together and I knew something was in the works. I didn't have long to find out what.
Guido had heard in school that it was really thoughtful when one gave a gift that was not only special to them but would become a family heirloom of sorts later on. I had thoughts back to when I was told that very same thing and made me Mam a birdhouse I nailed out of boards I found in the yard. I was maybe 5 years of age and I used overly big nails to nail it together, not to mention I nailed meself with the hammer a number of times -- you know big hammer, long-necked nails and little hands -- bound to have injuries. And then I painted the rather bulky and lopsided with nails sticking out birdie house with me watercolour paints. Yes, I did I used green because that was Mam's favourite colour, and blue because that was mine, and red just because it was the only other colour I had. I slopped on the watery paint and when it was dry I proudly presented it on Mother's Day. Of course, there was the cooing over it and all and the more Mam fussed the broader me smile got and I did notice me Da and me Grandda trying not to laugh their arses off but I thought THAT was about something I did not know, but in reality, they thought the results of me efforts rather comical. SIGH.
Mam hung it outside she did and we got a rain shower and well the paint was gone within 10 minutes. It sat out in the weather for a year before she took it down (actually, I think me Da took it down as it was rather a sight) and I never saw it after that having forgotten about it entirely, UNTIL, I had me first really serious girlfriend over for dinner to meet the family and well guess what was brought out much to me disgrace and chagrin. Yup, the birdhouse. When I saw it at the age of 23 I was quite a bit embarrassed and it was worse than I remembered. Me Da and Grandda told me the lady never let me build her a house because it might look like a birdhouse. Yeah, they did say that. Me girl, Jenny made all manners of fun of me in private but not as much as me Da and Grandda at the time of the unveiling of an old artwork created exclusively by yours truly did. I tell ya! Is nothing sacred?
Anyway, back to me tale of recent events. Something was packed in a leftover Hallmark jewellery box. Neither boyo would tell us what was in the box because they were sure we'd ruin the "surprise" for Grandma. Well, Tonya wrapped it all up nice in glitzy paper and she took it to the post office with her present and sent it on. Yes, she did, totally unaware of just WHAT she was sending her mother from her very own kiddos.
Meanwhile, that night I noticed a fruit fly buzzing me in the kitchen as I tried to eat me dinner. I swatted it away until finally I got up for the fly swatter and was instantly told to put it down because that was Harry zooming around me head and we couldn't have Harry killed.
"Who we talking about?" I asked perplexed.
"The fruit fly, him!" O'Hare pointed at the fly as it landed on the edge of the table, dangerously near me hand.
"You named a fruit fly Harry? Why?" Tonya asked them both.
"I didn't," O'Hare said with some show of exasperation. "Guido did."
"I hasta git em' back in da box," Guido said adamantly.
Tonya and I exchanged glances and said in unison, "What box?"
"Da bug box dats wot box!" Guido nearly shouted in frustration with us.
"He's got a pretty impressive bug collection." O'Hare chattered on as he chewed his mac and cheese with his mouth open which allowed me to tell him if he didn't chew with it closed he might be chewing Harry. That got a small Guido hand clamped over his gob hole rather smartly.
"We needs ta catch us, Harry!" Guido screamed, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks at the thought of his brother inadvertently chowing down on old Harry the fruit fly.
"Not until after dinner," Tonya said picking up her fork.
"NO NOW!" The wee kiddo complained at the top of his lungs as his brother finally pried his hand from his mouth.
It didn't matter our assurances none of us would eat Harry or swat Harry, or kill Harry.
"He's part of a matched set." O'Hare said, "Kinda."
"What you mean?" Tonya asked.
"Well, there is Wills and Kate but they are in the box. Harry escaped!"
"Hum, royal fruit flies," Tonya mused watching Harry land on the lamp over the table.
Well, we got through dinner under the watchful eyes of me middle son watching Harry move about among us. The stupid bug actually alighted on Guido's arm and with a gentleness I did not think Guido capable of, he closed his other hand over Harry and Bob's your uncle, Harry was captive and put back with his royal cohorts.
Intrigued, because we did not know our one son was collecting fruit flies of the royal variety, uh huh, we asked what other insects he had found. We are eternally sorry we asked that because the knowledge was just so repulsive I have lost some sleep at night feeling me skin crawl at the thought of the collection in the next room.
He has giant spiders, dead thank God, he has three grasshoppers he found dead at the end of the summer season, a live Daddy Long Legs, one dead and very ugly locust, an assortment of dead ants (big ones, the carpenter kind), two giant bumble bees (dead also thank God), a variety of dead yellow jackets and brown hornets, and then a small amount of smaller dead spiders AND their egg sacks and you know what will happen if it gets warm enough, yes, those egg sacks will explode with baby spiders. So we did talk him out of the egg sacks and off we carted them to the great outdoors.
It wasn't until after the kiddos had gone to bed the thought struck me wife that she wondered if the boyos had sent her mother a dead insect since they prized them so much. No, they wouldn't would they? Oh yes, they would, but that's not what they sent. We were in the wrong collection. We found out the next morning that in our house is another collection, equally as gross as the insects, and it is a collection of enemies to the insects.
There was fighting going on, pushing and pulling between the two boyos who had a dirty brown string between them. When I broke it up, I saw what looked like a shoestring on the floor.
"That," I pointed to it, "is what you are fighting over?"
"I tole em' not to put it next to me bug collection and now all me bugs are a dead bug collection and most of 'em are missin'. Harry, Wills and Kate GONE!" Guido cried tears dripping onto the floor, little chest heaving for all he was worth.
I was confused. It was a HUH moment, until . . . I saw the shoestring start to wiggle away. Was no shoestring was a freaking snake! And while I can tolerate bugs (a little bit), I cannot tolerate SNAKES! Once the thing was recaptured by its alarmed owner, that would be one O'Hare, it popped into me head about that box he sent off to his Grandmother. Yup, it did, and in me black heart I was almost hopeful he had sent her a timber rattler. BUT that will teach me to think thoughts like that because when I asked what was in the box he sent to New Jersey, I was reluctantly told it was O'Hare's favourite "in da whole wide worl" snake!
Yes, they had wrapped up a snake and sent it in the mail. WHO DOES THAT BESIDES ONE OF WEASIL'S PRODIGIES? I ask ya! I was in disbelief one of me own would do such a thing.
"Is it alive?" I asked with some trepidation.
"Yup, it is." That was the answer.
When I told this to Tonya there was real concern. She had just read about the timber rattlers that were creeping down into our area and she was not pleased.
"What kind of snake was it?"
"Baby snake it was just borned," O'Hare said, gently putting the recaptured snake in a box marked Slitherin. I tell ya!
"No sweetie, what KIND was it?" Tonya urged.
"I dunno," O'Hare said.
"What did it look like?" I interjected.
He thought a moment and screwed up his face thinking hard.
"It was . . . it was . . . blackish brown."
"Wit diamond markins' on its back and hadda yellow on it." Guido chimed in.
Tonya's eyes got big and she looked up at me who was thinking the same thing.
"No, it didn't it has a yellow line down its back!" O'Hare countered.
"DID NOT!" Guido yelled.
"DID TOO!" O'Hare yelled back.
"You're sure it was . . . alive?" I asked with hesitation.
"It were when he put it in dere," Guido said.
"Phone, Gabe quick, phone," Tonya said getting up from where she had crouched down to O'Hare's level and wringing her hands.
I fumbled for me mobile phone and dialled the Dragon lady. Someone clicked me call but all I could hear was a lot of screaming and shouting, "Keep that thing away from me, oohhh ohhhh get it, get it don't let it slither where it goes in the walls . . . ohhh ohhh!"
"Hello?" said Big Tony as it sounded like he was moving around.
"Tony, it's Gabe, did she open that present from the boyos?" I blurted out, and we knew who I was talking about, "Oh yes she had just now and oh my God Gabe and it's a snake and she's deathly afraid of snakes, I told her there must have been a mix-up. She wants me to kill it or catch it!"
"No! Don't kil. . . I mean catch it, send it back! It's a favourite pet." I said sounding stupid but the eldest kiddo was looking at me with horror in his eyes that his very own favourite grandmother would have his very own greatest gift in the world KILLED!
"She's got a broom Gabe, she is whacking it with the broom!" Tony breathed into the phone as if out of breath. "Tell me it doesn't bite I've got it."
I couldn't say a word, I was standing there speechless hoping it wasn't a baby timber rattler, I had no clue what to do but say "Drop it, Tony! Just drop it!"
"Gabe you said to catch and I have it, I've stuffed it into the box. I have to put the phone down and tie it up so the thing can't get out. Hold on!" He said and put the phone down while me eyes bugged out of me head wondering if he had gotten bit, and I couldn't say anything because the kiddos were silently pleading with their eyes to tell them it was okay the snake was safe. But to hell with that their grandfather . . . OMG!
I heard someone fumbling with the phone then Big Tony came on and said he had it all tired up and they'd mail it back.
I was thinking it was a very hungry snake by this time. I wasn't sure mailing it back was such a good idea but me brain was still trying to get me mouth to ask the question banging around in me head, did it bite Tony?
"Well . . . yeah it did but it's a little feller." Tony laughed.
I wasn't laughing. I asked if he knew what kind of a snake it was and he said he did after he got it in the box and the excitement was over.
"So . . . so . . . what kind is it?" I asked hesitantly.
"Oh, it's the garden variety snake, little black and yellow dude. He was panting from the broom whacking but I'd say he's okay just scared. I'll get him in the mail to you. I have to go down to the post office anyway to send him overnight mail, I think he'll be very hungry after all the excitement. Give him a few flies that should do him."
Guido heard that and ran for his dead bug collection to hide it.
Oh yes, that was a relief. I mean that Tony was not bitten by a timber rattler but it wasn't a relief small fry's favourite snake in the whole wide world was on its way back to us! And it arrived the very next day. Postman had no clue what he hand-delivered to me. No, he didn't. I smiled weirdly I know and he did look at me askance, but I just turned and went in the house and out the back door and into the woods and opened the box. But not the other box with Mr. Snake in it. I called O'Hare and Guido and they came running out. I explained that live snakes belonged outdoors to eat insects and rodents and that we needed to let this one go along with any other ones O'Hare was hoarding.
"I only have the other one," he sighed. But he ain't here anymore." And he shrugged.
That gave me pause.
"What you mean he isn't here? In the house? Where?"
"Yup in the house, but YOUR cat got him and he's no more. Had a funeral for him yesterday." O'Hare said all forlorn.
I was thinking of extra sardines for Mr. Kits! I blinked and came out of that revelry and opened the box with the snake in it. Sure enough, it was a little garden snake. It slithered out into the leaves and curled itself up around a twig. A horsefly lighted on a leaf next to it and was instantly gone! We jumped back at the unexpected movement, but all was well. The snake slithered off after enjoying the warm sun. We have gone through the dead bug collection and have eliminated that. Slitherin is closed down and we promised the boyos we'd go to the pet store and maybe buy a lizard. At least Tonya did, I just stood there looking at her shaking me head no, but didn't matter, kiddos are all for it. Here we would have a snaky lizard who eats live crickets. Oh boy.
So here is Mr. Snake, THIS was what all the fuss was about. YUP, it was.
Gabe
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
R. Linda:
This might be more indicative of a Weasil child than me own. But it happened just this way.
Me eldest O'Hare, is very attached to Grandmother Dragon, so for Mother's Day he wanted to send her something special along with whatever Tonya was going to send mummy dearest. So he searched around and could find nothing that suited the bling-bling-loving Dragon. His Mam offered to help him but he didn't want her to, he wanted it to be from himself, you know special.
Now, I suggested he create something with crayons, glitter and glue but he vetoed that as being "too babyish." Well, ok then.
After three days of this, I noticed Guido and O'Hare with their heads together and I knew something was in the works. I didn't have long to find out what.
Guido had heard in school that it was really thoughtful when one gave a gift that was not only special to them but would become a family heirloom of sorts later on. I had thoughts back to when I was told that very same thing and made me Mam a birdhouse I nailed out of boards I found in the yard. I was maybe 5 years of age and I used overly big nails to nail it together, not to mention I nailed meself with the hammer a number of times -- you know big hammer, long-necked nails and little hands -- bound to have injuries. And then I painted the rather bulky and lopsided with nails sticking out birdie house with me watercolour paints. Yes, I did I used green because that was Mam's favourite colour, and blue because that was mine, and red just because it was the only other colour I had. I slopped on the watery paint and when it was dry I proudly presented it on Mother's Day. Of course, there was the cooing over it and all and the more Mam fussed the broader me smile got and I did notice me Da and me Grandda trying not to laugh their arses off but I thought THAT was about something I did not know, but in reality, they thought the results of me efforts rather comical. SIGH.
Mam hung it outside she did and we got a rain shower and well the paint was gone within 10 minutes. It sat out in the weather for a year before she took it down (actually, I think me Da took it down as it was rather a sight) and I never saw it after that having forgotten about it entirely, UNTIL, I had me first really serious girlfriend over for dinner to meet the family and well guess what was brought out much to me disgrace and chagrin. Yup, the birdhouse. When I saw it at the age of 23 I was quite a bit embarrassed and it was worse than I remembered. Me Da and Grandda told me the lady never let me build her a house because it might look like a birdhouse. Yeah, they did say that. Me girl, Jenny made all manners of fun of me in private but not as much as me Da and Grandda at the time of the unveiling of an old artwork created exclusively by yours truly did. I tell ya! Is nothing sacred?
Anyway, back to me tale of recent events. Something was packed in a leftover Hallmark jewellery box. Neither boyo would tell us what was in the box because they were sure we'd ruin the "surprise" for Grandma. Well, Tonya wrapped it all up nice in glitzy paper and she took it to the post office with her present and sent it on. Yes, she did, totally unaware of just WHAT she was sending her mother from her very own kiddos.
Meanwhile, that night I noticed a fruit fly buzzing me in the kitchen as I tried to eat me dinner. I swatted it away until finally I got up for the fly swatter and was instantly told to put it down because that was Harry zooming around me head and we couldn't have Harry killed.
"Who we talking about?" I asked perplexed.
"The fruit fly, him!" O'Hare pointed at the fly as it landed on the edge of the table, dangerously near me hand.
"You named a fruit fly Harry? Why?" Tonya asked them both.
"I didn't," O'Hare said with some show of exasperation. "Guido did."
"I hasta git em' back in da box," Guido said adamantly.
Tonya and I exchanged glances and said in unison, "What box?"
"Da bug box dats wot box!" Guido nearly shouted in frustration with us.
"He's got a pretty impressive bug collection." O'Hare chattered on as he chewed his mac and cheese with his mouth open which allowed me to tell him if he didn't chew with it closed he might be chewing Harry. That got a small Guido hand clamped over his gob hole rather smartly.
"We needs ta catch us, Harry!" Guido screamed, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks at the thought of his brother inadvertently chowing down on old Harry the fruit fly.
"Not until after dinner," Tonya said picking up her fork.
"NO NOW!" The wee kiddo complained at the top of his lungs as his brother finally pried his hand from his mouth.
It didn't matter our assurances none of us would eat Harry or swat Harry, or kill Harry.
"He's part of a matched set." O'Hare said, "Kinda."
"What you mean?" Tonya asked.
"Well, there is Wills and Kate but they are in the box. Harry escaped!"
"Hum, royal fruit flies," Tonya mused watching Harry land on the lamp over the table.
Well, we got through dinner under the watchful eyes of me middle son watching Harry move about among us. The stupid bug actually alighted on Guido's arm and with a gentleness I did not think Guido capable of, he closed his other hand over Harry and Bob's your uncle, Harry was captive and put back with his royal cohorts.
Intrigued, because we did not know our one son was collecting fruit flies of the royal variety, uh huh, we asked what other insects he had found. We are eternally sorry we asked that because the knowledge was just so repulsive I have lost some sleep at night feeling me skin crawl at the thought of the collection in the next room.
He has giant spiders, dead thank God, he has three grasshoppers he found dead at the end of the summer season, a live Daddy Long Legs, one dead and very ugly locust, an assortment of dead ants (big ones, the carpenter kind), two giant bumble bees (dead also thank God), a variety of dead yellow jackets and brown hornets, and then a small amount of smaller dead spiders AND their egg sacks and you know what will happen if it gets warm enough, yes, those egg sacks will explode with baby spiders. So we did talk him out of the egg sacks and off we carted them to the great outdoors.
It wasn't until after the kiddos had gone to bed the thought struck me wife that she wondered if the boyos had sent her mother a dead insect since they prized them so much. No, they wouldn't would they? Oh yes, they would, but that's not what they sent. We were in the wrong collection. We found out the next morning that in our house is another collection, equally as gross as the insects, and it is a collection of enemies to the insects.
There was fighting going on, pushing and pulling between the two boyos who had a dirty brown string between them. When I broke it up, I saw what looked like a shoestring on the floor.
"That," I pointed to it, "is what you are fighting over?"
"I tole em' not to put it next to me bug collection and now all me bugs are a dead bug collection and most of 'em are missin'. Harry, Wills and Kate GONE!" Guido cried tears dripping onto the floor, little chest heaving for all he was worth.
I was confused. It was a HUH moment, until . . . I saw the shoestring start to wiggle away. Was no shoestring was a freaking snake! And while I can tolerate bugs (a little bit), I cannot tolerate SNAKES! Once the thing was recaptured by its alarmed owner, that would be one O'Hare, it popped into me head about that box he sent off to his Grandmother. Yup, it did, and in me black heart I was almost hopeful he had sent her a timber rattler. BUT that will teach me to think thoughts like that because when I asked what was in the box he sent to New Jersey, I was reluctantly told it was O'Hare's favourite "in da whole wide worl" snake!
Yes, they had wrapped up a snake and sent it in the mail. WHO DOES THAT BESIDES ONE OF WEASIL'S PRODIGIES? I ask ya! I was in disbelief one of me own would do such a thing.
"Is it alive?" I asked with some trepidation.
"Yup, it is." That was the answer.
When I told this to Tonya there was real concern. She had just read about the timber rattlers that were creeping down into our area and she was not pleased.
"What kind of snake was it?"
"Baby snake it was just borned," O'Hare said, gently putting the recaptured snake in a box marked Slitherin. I tell ya!
"No sweetie, what KIND was it?" Tonya urged.
"I dunno," O'Hare said.
"What did it look like?" I interjected.
He thought a moment and screwed up his face thinking hard.
"It was . . . it was . . . blackish brown."
"Wit diamond markins' on its back and hadda yellow on it." Guido chimed in.
Tonya's eyes got big and she looked up at me who was thinking the same thing.
"No, it didn't it has a yellow line down its back!" O'Hare countered.
"DID NOT!" Guido yelled.
"DID TOO!" O'Hare yelled back.
"You're sure it was . . . alive?" I asked with hesitation.
"It were when he put it in dere," Guido said.
"Phone, Gabe quick, phone," Tonya said getting up from where she had crouched down to O'Hare's level and wringing her hands.
I fumbled for me mobile phone and dialled the Dragon lady. Someone clicked me call but all I could hear was a lot of screaming and shouting, "Keep that thing away from me, oohhh ohhhh get it, get it don't let it slither where it goes in the walls . . . ohhh ohhh!"
"Hello?" said Big Tony as it sounded like he was moving around.
"Tony, it's Gabe, did she open that present from the boyos?" I blurted out, and we knew who I was talking about, "Oh yes she had just now and oh my God Gabe and it's a snake and she's deathly afraid of snakes, I told her there must have been a mix-up. She wants me to kill it or catch it!"
"No! Don't kil. . . I mean catch it, send it back! It's a favourite pet." I said sounding stupid but the eldest kiddo was looking at me with horror in his eyes that his very own favourite grandmother would have his very own greatest gift in the world KILLED!
"She's got a broom Gabe, she is whacking it with the broom!" Tony breathed into the phone as if out of breath. "Tell me it doesn't bite I've got it."
I couldn't say a word, I was standing there speechless hoping it wasn't a baby timber rattler, I had no clue what to do but say "Drop it, Tony! Just drop it!"
"Gabe you said to catch and I have it, I've stuffed it into the box. I have to put the phone down and tie it up so the thing can't get out. Hold on!" He said and put the phone down while me eyes bugged out of me head wondering if he had gotten bit, and I couldn't say anything because the kiddos were silently pleading with their eyes to tell them it was okay the snake was safe. But to hell with that their grandfather . . . OMG!
I heard someone fumbling with the phone then Big Tony came on and said he had it all tired up and they'd mail it back.
I was thinking it was a very hungry snake by this time. I wasn't sure mailing it back was such a good idea but me brain was still trying to get me mouth to ask the question banging around in me head, did it bite Tony?
"Well . . . yeah it did but it's a little feller." Tony laughed.
I wasn't laughing. I asked if he knew what kind of a snake it was and he said he did after he got it in the box and the excitement was over.
"So . . . so . . . what kind is it?" I asked hesitantly.
"Oh, it's the garden variety snake, little black and yellow dude. He was panting from the broom whacking but I'd say he's okay just scared. I'll get him in the mail to you. I have to go down to the post office anyway to send him overnight mail, I think he'll be very hungry after all the excitement. Give him a few flies that should do him."
Guido heard that and ran for his dead bug collection to hide it.
Oh yes, that was a relief. I mean that Tony was not bitten by a timber rattler but it wasn't a relief small fry's favourite snake in the whole wide world was on its way back to us! And it arrived the very next day. Postman had no clue what he hand-delivered to me. No, he didn't. I smiled weirdly I know and he did look at me askance, but I just turned and went in the house and out the back door and into the woods and opened the box. But not the other box with Mr. Snake in it. I called O'Hare and Guido and they came running out. I explained that live snakes belonged outdoors to eat insects and rodents and that we needed to let this one go along with any other ones O'Hare was hoarding.
"I only have the other one," he sighed. But he ain't here anymore." And he shrugged.
That gave me pause.
"What you mean he isn't here? In the house? Where?"
"Yup in the house, but YOUR cat got him and he's no more. Had a funeral for him yesterday." O'Hare said all forlorn.
I was thinking of extra sardines for Mr. Kits! I blinked and came out of that revelry and opened the box with the snake in it. Sure enough, it was a little garden snake. It slithered out into the leaves and curled itself up around a twig. A horsefly lighted on a leaf next to it and was instantly gone! We jumped back at the unexpected movement, but all was well. The snake slithered off after enjoying the warm sun. We have gone through the dead bug collection and have eliminated that. Slitherin is closed down and we promised the boyos we'd go to the pet store and maybe buy a lizard. At least Tonya did, I just stood there looking at her shaking me head no, but didn't matter, kiddos are all for it. Here we would have a snaky lizard who eats live crickets. Oh boy.
So here is Mr. Snake, THIS was what all the fuss was about. YUP, it was.
 |
| Slimy Sam (yes had a name) tasting freedom and flies |
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
3 comments:
Adorable. The little lads that is, the snake and the flies, no. LOL
my son gary had a collection of small animal skeletons. creepy stuff so it could be worse though not a fan of snakes either or spiders for that matter.
ROFLMAO MY kind of gift! You already know how I feel about snakes, LOVE EM! As for the birdhouse, it isn't about looks, it's about who made it!
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