12 August 2014
749
R. Linda:
Having someone who was born and raised in Ireland living with you in your new adopted country can make for some rather bizarre situations, not to mention conversations. Yes, indeed this be the case in me abode. There be not a day that goes by R. Linda, that something goes amiss or becomes explosively funny, or just plain sad. I never realised how sensitive to the different uses of words in the English language that one can set oneself apart from the rest of the users. It be a conundrum for sure with all the colloquialisms flying about me place!
Just this morning, I was sitting at the breakfast table in a semi-conscious daze when THIS took place around me:
O'Hare (eldest son at 8 years old): "Gran, yer choppin' the toast to smithereens!"
Me Mam (eldest person in the abode): "Wot you mean smithereens?"
Me (waking from morning coma): "Ma, he means bits and pieces."
Me Mam (looking at O'Hare as he slid the toast to his side of the table): "Oooh wouldya loook at 'em he 'as a face like a bulldog chewing' a wasp he does."
O'Hare (taking that remark like an insult): "Huh?"
Me (looking to defuse the situation): "She means you look glum."
O'Hare (with a shrug of the shoulders): "Oh."
Me (waking up and finding some humour, addressing me Mam): "Ye coulda said he 'as the face of a Lurgan spade!"
To which we both laughed but the eldest son looked at us in mid-toast chew like WHAT?
Me Mam (addressing O'Hare): "'E means ya 'ave a long face on yer like a long, thin spade we buy in Norn Iron."
O'Hare (very confused not on the spade but another two words): "Wot be Norn Iron?"
More laughter from the two older people at the table, like it was a private joke.
Me (enlightening the lad): "That's how people in Norn Iron say NORTHERN IRELAND."
O'Hare (looking confused and shaking his head at us): "Ya sound like rednecks."
Me Mam (her turn to look confused): "Wot arr rednecks?"
Me: "Culchies."
O'Hare: "Wot are culchies?"
Me: "Country folk."
Me Mam (with a mischievous gleam in her eye): "Ye wanna confuse 'em call 'em a 'coillte'."
O'Hare (getting frustrated with us): "And I wanna know wot THAT means!"
Me (laughing me arse off and making it worse): "A person dat lives in da woods!"
Me wife (sitting down): "I thought Coillte and Culchie were the same."
Me and Mam exchanged glances and shrugged. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. They were terms we both grew up with and well . . . we weren't about to debate them what would be the point?
O'Hare (getting a zinger in on me): "Yeah well you talk Gaeilge like jailtacht!"
With that, he got his school lunch and left us sitting there looking at each other.
Me (losing meself back into me Irish accent): "'Ow did he know wot dat word meant? 'An how duss he knoo to pronounce Gaeilge I ask ya?"
Me Mam (looking very sheepish): "Oi might 'av said sumthin' long dose lines ta his attempt at a Gaelic greeting. Said his gaeilge sounded more like Gaeltacht."
Me (amazed at her): "Does he know dat yer callin' his fine self an Irish terrorist and he just called me one?"
Me Mam (looking a wee bit guilty): "Maa bee he does and maa bee he don't."
That ended the first barrage of Irish vs. American English salvos but it was all to raconteur at dinner.
Me mam sat down and asked O'Hare: "'Bout ye?"
To which he looked at her with a look on his face like -- oh no not again. I, seeing he was confused went to clarify the question, only she saw his confusion so tried again with another Irish question that more confused the lad.
"How's she cuttin'?"
To which he looked at me in stunned exasperation, but before I could open me piehole, Mam cut in again.
"Ok, den when sum one asks ye dat yer ta answer wit "full o' da blade."
O'Hare sat there, his mouth hanging open now totally confused. He whispered to me he thought she had the nerve to ask if he ate cheese and how his farts were going? I had all I could do to keep a straight face and shake me head no. So I jumped in and told him that was an old nautical phrase and that I was surprised me mam would know it being she wasn't a culchie person nor a sailor.
Never one to let an advantage float away on an ancient nautical question and answer, O'Hare laughed at us and muttered, "Fer sure an let's goo ta da pub and have a few a wots goood fer us."
This he thought was very funny, but Mam did not. Now it was her turn to furrow her brow in confusion.
But the lad wasn't finished, he looked at her and impolitely pointed his fork at her and said with a mock Irish accent, "An YOU can sit in da snug while we's drinkin' on our jars!"
Well, she flung down her spoon, sat up rod straight with jaws agape looking at the young lad like he had thrown a snake in her potato soup. I tell ya!
"I feel like a culchie alien," me wife laughed to try and lighten the mood. She might have reprimanded the youngster but she had no clue what he said.
"Yer a bold laddie now aren't ye?" Mam said to O'Hare.
"UGH! Wot does THAT mean now?" He asked her his fork in the air like a sceptre.
"It means you are getting naughty." I cut in.
O'Hare shrugged, "Naughty Da? Really like doncha mean My Bad?" He went back to his meal unconcerned which further turned me Mam off and not to be ignored she said to him, "Would you stop giving out?"
To which he looked up at her in amazement. Me wife had the same look on her face. I knew where she took that phrase, to "giving out" being "putting out" which had the entire wrong connotation to it, but before I could jump in O'Hare put his flatware down and with his hands jammed in a fist he rested them on the table and looked at his grandmother sizing her up.
With deliberate slowness (more to see how much he could get away with) he said, "WHAT should I stop giving out exactly?"
To which me Mam's mouth opened wide in surprise and she leaned forward and said, "WOT I SAID."
To which his turn, he said slowly again like she was not understanding him, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, do I have an odour about me that I am giving off? OR, is there another IRISH sayin' you've come up with to scramble my BRAIN!"
Well, that was enough of that, he was sent to his room without the rest of his dinner. I tell ya!
I came back to table leaving Tonya to lecture O'Hare in his room, to hear Mam saying, "Wot a quare ting ta say so it is."
Meanwhile, me wife comes back from escorting the eldest son to his room to think about his manners, when she notices the cups for the tea are not out, so she goes to the counter where there is a teacup holder thingie and sees they aren't there.
"Where are the cups at Mother O?" She flings over her shoulder.
"Dey be in da press," Mam answers satisfied she had cleaned them up and put them away.
"O K," drawls Tonya as she turns and looks at me in question.
"Uh oh!" I said getting her look, "Da cupboard, dats wot she means."
"Good, I was about to go out to the apple press in the backyard," Tonya muttered turning to the cupboard where yes indeed, there lived the cleaned and sparkling cups.
So this be a short example of life at me house at the moment. But it has consequences it does R. Linda, very bad ones at that.
No one understanding anyone but me understanding both sides pulls on one's psyche. It amazes me how quickly this type of thing can get out of hand it does. So yesterday when this got to mega proportions of foolishness on everyone's part, what usually happens to me happened, which is I get a sugar craving. Now mind you I just recently had laser surgery on me right eye and am scheduled for another on the left eye next week. I have been very happy with me 20/20 vision in the right eye, or I was until I got so stressed from the argy bargys in the abode that I went out to get a refreshing Arnold Palmer at Drunken' Donuts.
However, when I got there I ordered a jelly stick of which they were out but they told me they had jelly doughnuts. Oh, ok good I told them to give me two of those, but then I thought, everyone at me home was stressed so I changed me order to a dozen jelly doughnuts. So I pulled out and went on me stressed-out way and when I got home I told them all I had jelly doughnuts, but seems while I was gone, Mam made some barmbrack (an Irish tea cake) and they had all eaten their fill.
Well, the jelly doughnuts would go hard and stale so I had me three of them with me Arnold Palmer drink. It was too hot for tea or coffee so finding the doughnuts made me powerfully thirsty, I had a Coke A Cola and another doughnut. It seemed as the day wore on, and I got more and more stressed, I'd stop in the kitchen and take a doughnut and another soda. I did this all day until dinner finding I wasn't hungry but there was one doughnut left. That I made short work of around 6:30.
R. Linda:
Having someone who was born and raised in Ireland living with you in your new adopted country can make for some rather bizarre situations, not to mention conversations. Yes, indeed this be the case in me abode. There be not a day that goes by R. Linda, that something goes amiss or becomes explosively funny, or just plain sad. I never realised how sensitive to the different uses of words in the English language that one can set oneself apart from the rest of the users. It be a conundrum for sure with all the colloquialisms flying about me place!
Just this morning, I was sitting at the breakfast table in a semi-conscious daze when THIS took place around me:
O'Hare (eldest son at 8 years old): "Gran, yer choppin' the toast to smithereens!"
Me Mam (eldest person in the abode): "Wot you mean smithereens?"
Me (waking from morning coma): "Ma, he means bits and pieces."
Me Mam (looking at O'Hare as he slid the toast to his side of the table): "Oooh wouldya loook at 'em he 'as a face like a bulldog chewing' a wasp he does."
O'Hare (taking that remark like an insult): "Huh?"
Me (looking to defuse the situation): "She means you look glum."
O'Hare (with a shrug of the shoulders): "Oh."
Me (waking up and finding some humour, addressing me Mam): "Ye coulda said he 'as the face of a Lurgan spade!"
To which we both laughed but the eldest son looked at us in mid-toast chew like WHAT?
Me Mam (addressing O'Hare): "'E means ya 'ave a long face on yer like a long, thin spade we buy in Norn Iron."
O'Hare (very confused not on the spade but another two words): "Wot be Norn Iron?"
More laughter from the two older people at the table, like it was a private joke.
Me (enlightening the lad): "That's how people in Norn Iron say NORTHERN IRELAND."
O'Hare (looking confused and shaking his head at us): "Ya sound like rednecks."
Me Mam (her turn to look confused): "Wot arr rednecks?"
Me: "Culchies."
O'Hare: "Wot are culchies?"
Me: "Country folk."
Me Mam (with a mischievous gleam in her eye): "Ye wanna confuse 'em call 'em a 'coillte'."
O'Hare (getting frustrated with us): "And I wanna know wot THAT means!"
Me (laughing me arse off and making it worse): "A person dat lives in da woods!"
Me wife (sitting down): "I thought Coillte and Culchie were the same."
Me and Mam exchanged glances and shrugged. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. They were terms we both grew up with and well . . . we weren't about to debate them what would be the point?
O'Hare (getting a zinger in on me): "Yeah well you talk Gaeilge like jailtacht!"
With that, he got his school lunch and left us sitting there looking at each other.
Me (losing meself back into me Irish accent): "'Ow did he know wot dat word meant? 'An how duss he knoo to pronounce Gaeilge I ask ya?"
Me Mam (looking very sheepish): "Oi might 'av said sumthin' long dose lines ta his attempt at a Gaelic greeting. Said his gaeilge sounded more like Gaeltacht."
Me (amazed at her): "Does he know dat yer callin' his fine self an Irish terrorist and he just called me one?"
Me Mam (looking a wee bit guilty): "Maa bee he does and maa bee he don't."
That ended the first barrage of Irish vs. American English salvos but it was all to raconteur at dinner.
Me mam sat down and asked O'Hare: "'Bout ye?"
To which he looked at her with a look on his face like -- oh no not again. I, seeing he was confused went to clarify the question, only she saw his confusion so tried again with another Irish question that more confused the lad.
"How's she cuttin'?"
To which he looked at me in stunned exasperation, but before I could open me piehole, Mam cut in again.
"Ok, den when sum one asks ye dat yer ta answer wit "full o' da blade."
O'Hare sat there, his mouth hanging open now totally confused. He whispered to me he thought she had the nerve to ask if he ate cheese and how his farts were going? I had all I could do to keep a straight face and shake me head no. So I jumped in and told him that was an old nautical phrase and that I was surprised me mam would know it being she wasn't a culchie person nor a sailor.
Never one to let an advantage float away on an ancient nautical question and answer, O'Hare laughed at us and muttered, "Fer sure an let's goo ta da pub and have a few a wots goood fer us."
This he thought was very funny, but Mam did not. Now it was her turn to furrow her brow in confusion.
But the lad wasn't finished, he looked at her and impolitely pointed his fork at her and said with a mock Irish accent, "An YOU can sit in da snug while we's drinkin' on our jars!"
Well, she flung down her spoon, sat up rod straight with jaws agape looking at the young lad like he had thrown a snake in her potato soup. I tell ya!
"I feel like a culchie alien," me wife laughed to try and lighten the mood. She might have reprimanded the youngster but she had no clue what he said.
"Yer a bold laddie now aren't ye?" Mam said to O'Hare.
"UGH! Wot does THAT mean now?" He asked her his fork in the air like a sceptre.
"It means you are getting naughty." I cut in.
O'Hare shrugged, "Naughty Da? Really like doncha mean My Bad?" He went back to his meal unconcerned which further turned me Mam off and not to be ignored she said to him, "Would you stop giving out?"
To which he looked up at her in amazement. Me wife had the same look on her face. I knew where she took that phrase, to "giving out" being "putting out" which had the entire wrong connotation to it, but before I could jump in O'Hare put his flatware down and with his hands jammed in a fist he rested them on the table and looked at his grandmother sizing her up.
With deliberate slowness (more to see how much he could get away with) he said, "WHAT should I stop giving out exactly?"
To which me Mam's mouth opened wide in surprise and she leaned forward and said, "WOT I SAID."
To which his turn, he said slowly again like she was not understanding him, "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, do I have an odour about me that I am giving off? OR, is there another IRISH sayin' you've come up with to scramble my BRAIN!"
Well, that was enough of that, he was sent to his room without the rest of his dinner. I tell ya!
I came back to table leaving Tonya to lecture O'Hare in his room, to hear Mam saying, "Wot a quare ting ta say so it is."
Meanwhile, me wife comes back from escorting the eldest son to his room to think about his manners, when she notices the cups for the tea are not out, so she goes to the counter where there is a teacup holder thingie and sees they aren't there.
"Where are the cups at Mother O?" She flings over her shoulder.
"Dey be in da press," Mam answers satisfied she had cleaned them up and put them away.
"O K," drawls Tonya as she turns and looks at me in question.
"Uh oh!" I said getting her look, "Da cupboard, dats wot she means."
"Good, I was about to go out to the apple press in the backyard," Tonya muttered turning to the cupboard where yes indeed, there lived the cleaned and sparkling cups.
So this be a short example of life at me house at the moment. But it has consequences it does R. Linda, very bad ones at that.
No one understanding anyone but me understanding both sides pulls on one's psyche. It amazes me how quickly this type of thing can get out of hand it does. So yesterday when this got to mega proportions of foolishness on everyone's part, what usually happens to me happened, which is I get a sugar craving. Now mind you I just recently had laser surgery on me right eye and am scheduled for another on the left eye next week. I have been very happy with me 20/20 vision in the right eye, or I was until I got so stressed from the argy bargys in the abode that I went out to get a refreshing Arnold Palmer at Drunken' Donuts.
However, when I got there I ordered a jelly stick of which they were out but they told me they had jelly doughnuts. Oh, ok good I told them to give me two of those, but then I thought, everyone at me home was stressed so I changed me order to a dozen jelly doughnuts. So I pulled out and went on me stressed-out way and when I got home I told them all I had jelly doughnuts, but seems while I was gone, Mam made some barmbrack (an Irish tea cake) and they had all eaten their fill.
Well, the jelly doughnuts would go hard and stale so I had me three of them with me Arnold Palmer drink. It was too hot for tea or coffee so finding the doughnuts made me powerfully thirsty, I had a Coke A Cola and another doughnut. It seemed as the day wore on, and I got more and more stressed, I'd stop in the kitchen and take a doughnut and another soda. I did this all day until dinner finding I wasn't hungry but there was one doughnut left. That I made short work of around 6:30.
 |
| Yes, this was the last one! |
Then something very strange happened. By 6:40 I had a very bad headache and double vision. I was sitting in the kitchen watching the telly since everyone else was in the lounge watching a movie, sipping on another coke and finishing the remnants of the last doughnut when I noticed that Brian Pitts of ABC News had four eyes. I am not talking glasses, I be talking EYES. I closed me left eye and sure enough I was seeing double eyes. I closed the other and opened the left eye and that eyes seemed fine. Hum. I turned a few stations and the same thing on everyone, the talking heads had more than two eyes and none were wearing glasses! I debated this phenomenon all night with me silly self and was set to call the eye doctor and tell him NO SURGERY ON ME GOOD EYE! And, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME RIGHT EYE?
The next morning, no double vision, no headache, just a wee bit wired. Yup, I sugared meself up but good. I be lucky I didn't stroke out! I have to deal with all this better don't you think?
Gabe
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
The next morning, no double vision, no headache, just a wee bit wired. Yup, I sugared meself up but good. I be lucky I didn't stroke out! I have to deal with all this better don't you think?
Gabe
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
10 comments:
ROFLMAO what you had was a circular conversation thath either leaves everyone laughing OR pisses off one or more because of the misunderstanding s. Happens with plain English by using the wrong words. A stroke? How about popping out your eyeballs? LOL off the spice and on to the sugar?NUT
Gabe, do you remember sitting with that splain witted Scotsman in a close in Edinburgh and his dissertation on the difference between a Mick and a Paddy and how we the two Irishmen sat there in openmouthed wonder listening to his lesson on the Irish? It came about after I said, you could tell a Proddy from a Catholic by the whiskey they drank; a man from the North will drink Bushmills and a man from the South, Jamesons. Not to be outscored the idiot Scot said, "A Mick is from the North because of the Scots Irish in him thus, Mac equals Mc equals MICK, and a Paddy is a Republican from the South, because most Irish males in the South are named Patrick and that's how you tell the difference. Do you remember what a discussion that brought upon his addled head? I do. I also remember, he went off in a hail of curses, I went for the bottle and I found you later near in diabetic shock at a teacake shoppe almost comatose from a sugar high. Will you never learn my man that you are safer with the drink than the sugar. As for your mam, fine woman that. ;)~ I also wonder does she like younger men? LOL
WELLLL it goes both ways now doesn't it? Only for me it goes one way and thats right to sugary foods and drinks.
You had to bring that up so me Muse will see the teacake shop thing NICE ONE! I owe you now BIG. He's JOKING MUSE. He's making that all up. Never happened. As for me Mam what be with you and your clone? The two of you like older women? You two need to settle down, find two nice Irish lasses and get married, start a family and have your mother-in-law move in! LMAO Oh that's right YOU already did that. How'd that work for ya?
you mam means well and so does your son, they find it hard to communicate is all lol as to you and the donuts you are a nutter! maybe there was no transfats but think of all the other glop in those donuts. nice to see you aren't using the british word for doughnut anymore. makes you more american, lol yeah one day you'll be just like the rest of us, no more accent, no more funny words lmao
Greer TWO choices! Disease d liver or diabetes! Hard to pick, isn't it? LMAO
GOD FORBID you ever become like the rest of anyone you'd HATE it!
Oh my! Don't encourage those handsome lads Gabe! Will be sure to get you in trouble LOL
I've heard quite a few Irish sayings thanks to a very close Irish lad but a couple of these I haven't heard before. Love them! I bet you'll have plenty more of those conversations lol. Very amusing
Don't say things like that, you'll inflate their egos even more and there will be no room for the rest of us in here.
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