20 August 2014
752
R. Linda:
The wife's birthday is coming up along with the youngest. I had to order a cake for them from the only bakery in town because most New England housewives bake thus, not many bakeries. I know of towns that don't have even one! Anyway, I got off work early and decided since the bakery was still open and on my way home, to stop in, order the cake, pay for it, and then the only thing I had to do this weekend was pick it up. Yes, yes, yes, the best-laid plans! All good deeds do not go unpunished, I know, I know, I know, nothing is ever easy. Just cutting you off before you go there.
I stopped in and you would think ordering a cake one of the simplest of tasks . . . you would think that. But no, this was not simple. No, it was anything but that. First off the wife wanted a chocolate cake with cherry filling and buttercream icing. Snap right? Nooo . . . not even close.
There I was the only customer in the store except for a woman who was laughing loudly at something one of the counter girls said down the other end. I had the full, undivided attention of the wee brown-eyed, dark-hair tumbled into a black net, small person wearing the nameplate Zoe.
"Can I help you?" She eyed me like I was going to rob the place of cookies. Right off I wanted to correct her and say, "You mean MAY I help you?" But I did not.
"Why, yes you MAY," I said jovially. "I'd like to order a birthday cake, 8" round for this Saturday, pick up say 11 a.m."
"O K," she glared at me not sure where I was going with this.
"I'd like it to be a chocolate cake with cherry filling, you do have cherry filling?" I asked because you'd be surprised by the many places in New Hampshire that only do strawberries. After all, they raise an abundance of those fruits.
"Uh, we do strawberries." She stated.
"No cherries?" I asked in mock surprise.
"We could make a black forest cake." Said she.
"No, I don't want a black forest cake, I want a birthday cake." I mused.
"There are cherries in the black forest cake," she said, "only they are in a liqueur named Kirsh something so I don't know if you have kids they'd like that much."
"Well, can't you put the liquored-up cherries in a chocolate cake with butter cream icing?"
"No, it's whipped cream. You need the whipped cream to keep the cherries from bleeding into the cake and making that soggy."
Oh, my heavens!
"Yes, yes, but instead of whipped cream can't you substitute buttercream?" Was it me?
"Gloria," Zoe calls to the other counter girl who came trotting down, her customer with her.
The question was asked and lo and behold, Gloria does the cake-making. She says of course she can make a chocolate cake with cherry filling and buttercream frosting "You silly rabbit." Viola! Who knew? Gees Louise, or in this case Zoe.
I wanted to wring Zoe's neck for wasting me time. You would think taking the name, the phone number, and all the particulars an easy process from cake selection, BUT IT FREAKING WASN'T!
"What do you want on the cake?" Zoe said pen at ready.
"Well, I'd like a picture of a motorcycle because this is for two people and one of them loves motorcycles." That would be the almost one-year-old. Loves the things.
Zoe got the computer screen up and showed me a motorcycle which was so juvenile it was a NO. But wait she had another one in the adult cake section. Adult cake section? I was afraid to look, but it was clean, yes R. Linda, no porn, clean things like an elaborate basket with flowers, footballs with the number of your age on them, stuff like that. Well, she gets to the adult motorcycle and it is very nice. So I say, "THAT ONE PLEASE. Only instead of the guy with the beard, can you make it with a woman with dark hair and a one-year-old sitting behind her with blond hair?"
"GLORIA! Can you . . . " yeah and she could, but while Zoe was questioning Gloria's artistic design talents the woman customer leaned towards me and said, "Your wife or girlfriend?"
I was taken aback for a moment and answered, wife.
"Motorcycle momma, huh?" And she snickers.
"No, more like the wee one be a fan of motorcycles, that's why I'm . . . " and that's as far as I explained meself because Zoe was back with an affirmative.
"You want some spring flowers on that too?" She asks.
I look at the design and think Zoe has lost her mind. That would look silly, so I shook me head in the negative. She shrugged and gave this big sigh like I was ripping up the cake decorating. She writes it all out and tells me this and that will cost extra because now it's a speciality cake. I was like just write it down for heaven's sake, let's get this painful process over with!
"Take where it says Easy Rider, and instead put Happy Birthday Ton . . . " that is as far as I got because she interrupted me with "You do know we have to add the child on the back because that isn't in the design."
"Well, yes, yes I do know that and that's fine," I say and start to tell her what to write but again she stops me.
"How do you spell Tonya?"
I spelt it. I spelt me son's name as well to be on the safe side it didn't say Happy Birthday Tony and Pedro or something just as ludicrous.
"Last thing, see the Harley Davidson insignia at the bottom the 37 is for the age." Zoe points out.
"Oh hold up there, me wife isn't 37 and if I did that she'd have me hide for breakfast. No, no numbers she doesn't like numbers." I protested.
"BUT the 37 comes with it because you picked out a 37th birthday cake topper design."
I stood there dumb. The woman customer stood there dumb as well. Both of us blinked and looked at Zoe, waiting for the joke, but was no joke.
"Why does he need a number at all?" The customer asked.
"Because it is the . . . "
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
"It is written in icing, it isn't a stick-on stencil so why does there even have to be a number? Why not the insignia all by itself?" I pleaded.
Zoe shrugged and Xed out the number. GOOD!
"When did you say you want this? I can have it by August 7th."
I stood there looking at her waiting for the punchline. It was August 19th.
"You mean August 23rd," I said.
"Oh yeah. Wednesday." She said writing it down.
"Nooo, Saturday," I corrected.
"Oh right," she says scribbling the date off and changing it.
So this should be interesting. I don't know what kind of cake I am getting, I don't know if my wife will be on the bike and have a goatee, I don't if the wee one will look like a teenager and I have no clue what the filling really is. I have a sneaking suspicion the number 37 will be somewhere on that cake. I also don't know if the cake will be ready Saturday at 11. I have no earthly idea if there will be a cake.
God knows! I paid a whopping $44.00 for this confection . . . yes I did.
I was shocked I be. And it's the only bakery in town!
AND ALAS THE CAKE! Me wife be blond and I didn't know it!
R. Linda:
The wife's birthday is coming up along with the youngest. I had to order a cake for them from the only bakery in town because most New England housewives bake thus, not many bakeries. I know of towns that don't have even one! Anyway, I got off work early and decided since the bakery was still open and on my way home, to stop in, order the cake, pay for it, and then the only thing I had to do this weekend was pick it up. Yes, yes, yes, the best-laid plans! All good deeds do not go unpunished, I know, I know, I know, nothing is ever easy. Just cutting you off before you go there.
I stopped in and you would think ordering a cake one of the simplest of tasks . . . you would think that. But no, this was not simple. No, it was anything but that. First off the wife wanted a chocolate cake with cherry filling and buttercream icing. Snap right? Nooo . . . not even close.
There I was the only customer in the store except for a woman who was laughing loudly at something one of the counter girls said down the other end. I had the full, undivided attention of the wee brown-eyed, dark-hair tumbled into a black net, small person wearing the nameplate Zoe.
"Can I help you?" She eyed me like I was going to rob the place of cookies. Right off I wanted to correct her and say, "You mean MAY I help you?" But I did not.
"Why, yes you MAY," I said jovially. "I'd like to order a birthday cake, 8" round for this Saturday, pick up say 11 a.m."
"O K," she glared at me not sure where I was going with this.
"I'd like it to be a chocolate cake with cherry filling, you do have cherry filling?" I asked because you'd be surprised by the many places in New Hampshire that only do strawberries. After all, they raise an abundance of those fruits.
"Uh, we do strawberries." She stated.
"No cherries?" I asked in mock surprise.
"We could make a black forest cake." Said she.
"No, I don't want a black forest cake, I want a birthday cake." I mused.
"There are cherries in the black forest cake," she said, "only they are in a liqueur named Kirsh something so I don't know if you have kids they'd like that much."
"Well, can't you put the liquored-up cherries in a chocolate cake with butter cream icing?"
"No, it's whipped cream. You need the whipped cream to keep the cherries from bleeding into the cake and making that soggy."
Oh, my heavens!
"Yes, yes, but instead of whipped cream can't you substitute buttercream?" Was it me?
"Gloria," Zoe calls to the other counter girl who came trotting down, her customer with her.
The question was asked and lo and behold, Gloria does the cake-making. She says of course she can make a chocolate cake with cherry filling and buttercream frosting "You silly rabbit." Viola! Who knew? Gees Louise, or in this case Zoe.
I wanted to wring Zoe's neck for wasting me time. You would think taking the name, the phone number, and all the particulars an easy process from cake selection, BUT IT FREAKING WASN'T!
"What do you want on the cake?" Zoe said pen at ready.
"Well, I'd like a picture of a motorcycle because this is for two people and one of them loves motorcycles." That would be the almost one-year-old. Loves the things.
Zoe got the computer screen up and showed me a motorcycle which was so juvenile it was a NO. But wait she had another one in the adult cake section. Adult cake section? I was afraid to look, but it was clean, yes R. Linda, no porn, clean things like an elaborate basket with flowers, footballs with the number of your age on them, stuff like that. Well, she gets to the adult motorcycle and it is very nice. So I say, "THAT ONE PLEASE. Only instead of the guy with the beard, can you make it with a woman with dark hair and a one-year-old sitting behind her with blond hair?"
"GLORIA! Can you . . . " yeah and she could, but while Zoe was questioning Gloria's artistic design talents the woman customer leaned towards me and said, "Your wife or girlfriend?"
I was taken aback for a moment and answered, wife.
"Motorcycle momma, huh?" And she snickers.
"No, more like the wee one be a fan of motorcycles, that's why I'm . . . " and that's as far as I explained meself because Zoe was back with an affirmative.
"You want some spring flowers on that too?" She asks.
I look at the design and think Zoe has lost her mind. That would look silly, so I shook me head in the negative. She shrugged and gave this big sigh like I was ripping up the cake decorating. She writes it all out and tells me this and that will cost extra because now it's a speciality cake. I was like just write it down for heaven's sake, let's get this painful process over with!
"Take where it says Easy Rider, and instead put Happy Birthday Ton . . . " that is as far as I got because she interrupted me with "You do know we have to add the child on the back because that isn't in the design."
"Well, yes, yes I do know that and that's fine," I say and start to tell her what to write but again she stops me.
"How do you spell Tonya?"
I spelt it. I spelt me son's name as well to be on the safe side it didn't say Happy Birthday Tony and Pedro or something just as ludicrous.
"Last thing, see the Harley Davidson insignia at the bottom the 37 is for the age." Zoe points out.
"Oh hold up there, me wife isn't 37 and if I did that she'd have me hide for breakfast. No, no numbers she doesn't like numbers." I protested.
"BUT the 37 comes with it because you picked out a 37th birthday cake topper design."
I stood there dumb. The woman customer stood there dumb as well. Both of us blinked and looked at Zoe, waiting for the joke, but was no joke.
"Why does he need a number at all?" The customer asked.
"Because it is the . . . "
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
"It is written in icing, it isn't a stick-on stencil so why does there even have to be a number? Why not the insignia all by itself?" I pleaded.
Zoe shrugged and Xed out the number. GOOD!
"When did you say you want this? I can have it by August 7th."
I stood there looking at her waiting for the punchline. It was August 19th.
"You mean August 23rd," I said.
"Oh yeah. Wednesday." She said writing it down.
"Nooo, Saturday," I corrected.
"Oh right," she says scribbling the date off and changing it.
So this should be interesting. I don't know what kind of cake I am getting, I don't know if my wife will be on the bike and have a goatee, I don't if the wee one will look like a teenager and I have no clue what the filling really is. I have a sneaking suspicion the number 37 will be somewhere on that cake. I also don't know if the cake will be ready Saturday at 11. I have no earthly idea if there will be a cake.
God knows! I paid a whopping $44.00 for this confection . . . yes I did.
I was shocked I be. And it's the only bakery in town!
AND ALAS THE CAKE! Me wife be blond and I didn't know it!
 |
| Looks like Colorado not New Hampshire, and no insignia OR number YEA for that |
Gabe
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
Copyright © 2014 All rights reserved
10 comments:
LMAO you are getting screwed! Keep a sharp edge handy in case you have to scrape off numbers.LOL there are lots of idiots out there and you've met so many.LOL you know me too well and what I'd say. And he'll, guess who's bday is first. NOT celebrated!
if you lived in canada my husband (professional chef) could have baked you the best chocolate cherry filled cake ever!
No offence but if I lived in Canada I'd be dining at DesBarres Manor in Guysborough.
Let's make this PUBLIC and OFFICIAL -- ITS ALMOST YOUR BIRTHDAY so happy, happy hobbit birthday! Don't eat the tamales unless you are sending me some and please, please do not tell me you have a chocolate cake with cherry filling frosted in FUDGE because I may just be jealous and then . . . then I'll be foaming at the mouth and it isn't pretty.
UH OH LMAO just kidding. Too hot.in the 90's, to make tamales.As for fudge? Scre the cake and the filling, I FOUND a shop that makes fudge(not as good as mine) and bought a pound of dark chocolate. I can't send any or you'd get a melted brown puddle of goo. Mine shipped well because it wasn't soft like this stuff is. BUT I'd still like you to foam at the moth! It would be a nice hobbit? Birthday present. LOL you mad monkey
I think you and the lads could have made your own cake with everything you wanted no? Gabe you are so creative and not much you can't do, so why not? Would have saved you some money too LOL
Seriously? I can't bake a cake but I can make stews and things like that. Not a pastry chef.
Bet your Mam can :-)
Uhhh she makes a mean cobbler
LOL the cake kinda looks like a kid cake. Do you get to play with a toy motorcycle? Hope it tastes good! ME? GONNA gonna have a piece of fudge right now while moaning about my purple hair. My kids think I'm cool while I think I'm crazy.SIGH
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