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29 February 2016
R. Linda:
Me Mam has made friends with a few ladies since she moved to this side of the pond. One of them lives in the town next to ours, which is a place with scattered small lakes. So you have that mix of lake community-type homes and then you have your rather nice bigger homes that dot the wooded area around the lakes.
It wasn't until one of Mam's friend's husband passed away I found out that the place is a swingers haven. Or so I was told. I went to the biggest of the lakes in that town for a day of ice fishing. As you know cold weather sports are not me thing, just the sport of forced shovelling of snow be me expertise, but I went not so much to fish (I'd let the kiddos do that) but for the camaraderie of it.
So the first thing I see as we pulled up is a sign THIN ICE. Well, yes, because of the strange spring weather most of the ice has melted on the smaller lakes, while it hasn't formed at all on the bigger ones. I saw most of the bob houses were pulled to the shore except for two and a mobile trailer home. The trailer home was sinking into the ice as people with cameras were recording the event and well, I was thinking going out on that ice not a good idea with wee people.
For one thing, who parks a trailer home on a lake with the hot sun reflecting off of it melting the ice? Two, how does one get it out of sinking to the bottom as water fills it, and three, will three guys be able to haul it up even with cables? Nah, the answer is let it sink and every day it's down there pay a $500 fine until spring when you can get someone with an industrial winch to bring it to shore. I tell ya!
Anyway, not me problem, me problem was finding at least five inches of ice to drill a fishing hole. I needn't worry there were a few holes already dug where the saner among us had deemed it not safe to stand out on melting ice and fish. With that in mind I told the kiddos it would be a short fishing trip because of circumstances, but I needn't have worried, they saw friends on shore and that's what they wanted to do, play on the beach instead. Well, I didn't even touch the fishing tackle, I made merry with the blokes on shore watching the mobile home we dubbed the Titanic, slowly sinking down, down, down!
It was as all this was going down (haha), that I heard about the swingers in town. Well, the stories were on the fantastic side and I won't repeat them, but for one name that was familiar to me. That was me Mam's friend's husband. I found out he died of a heart attack during a liaison with another woman who was in the circle of Mam's friends. I was at first amused and then horrified. Did Mam know this about the people she was associating with?
When I got home she was wringing her hankie and tears were streaming down her face as she told me Harriet's husband had passed away and poor Harriet this, and poor Harriet that. I asked her after a time how he had passed and she told me straight out what had happened.
"Did you know this bit of stuff was going on?" I asked.
"Well, for sure and I did, but Harriet didn't at first mind Gabriel, but the old geezer had found that Viagra and well . . ." she trailed off shaking her head.
"OH!" Said I rather surprised. I knew nothing of the Viagra.
"You will go to the funeral wit me won't ye?" She asked me.
What was I to say? I didn't want to, but I said yes and asked when it was. Well, to make a long story short, I found out there was competition for years between Harriet and the other woman. They were at one time best friends in high school and the friendship continued into their old age. But this woman who I will call Fredricka, always had a crush on Harriet's dearly departed (or not so dearly departed) husband, Muggie as he was affectionately called, because he would mug for the camera, or as me Mam more accurately put it, photobomb everyone's pictures because he was an egomaniac.
When Muggie discovered Viagra he nearly drove Harriet to distraction and she knowing Fredricka was single and liked Muggie, sort of set them up to get him out of her hair. This went well until Fredricka introduced Muggie to the rest of the swingers in town and well, he was having a Viagra good time.
When Harriet found out she confronted both of them and put her foot down that enough was enough. She told Fredricka never to darken her doorstep and took Muggie's stash of Viagra and flushed it down the toilet. You can imagine the scene all that presented.
"If you ever get with that woman or any woman, I hope you have a heart attack and die!" Harriet shouted at the complaining Muggie.
Well, it came true, Muggie got more of the miracle-working blue pills that made him feel like a teenager again and hooked up with Fredricka and the rest is history.
This was the funeral I was being dragged to. I didn't want to go. I knew no good was going to come out of it until I realised I might get a story for you. So off I went, me Mam acting all sorrowful for her friend, but secretly thinking Muggie got his comeuppance.
We walked into the funeral home and there at the front of the room, was Muggie all laid out. The coffin resting on one of those metal elevator-type things which you see gurneys on. I thought because of the wheels they just wheeled Muggie in and out when it was viewing time, or as Mam referred to it, "Showtime." I tell ya the woman be something.
Everyone acted tearful and sympathetic until Fredricka darkened the doorway. Oh my goodness me, R. Linda, the room actually hushed and Fredricka cast a shadow from the light of the hallway behind her which all she needed was a DA TADA DA and the scene would have been complete. Suddenly as if on cue Fredricka let out a wail and with open arms ran to the open casket as we all in shock watched. Making sure she was the centre of attention she said things that stunned everyone, but not the widow who watched the scene as if she was watching a tv show -- completely detached. Without any warning, Fredricka reached into the casket and started shaking Muggie to "wake up!"
Then without any warning to Fredricka, the metal elevator thing collapsed from her weight leaning into it and from the shaking of Muggie. It was like slow motion the casket, Muggie half in and half out, and Fredricka skirts up to her panties coming to a bounding rest with Fredricka part way in the broken casket with Muggie's arm around her.
Everyone was shock still. No one moved, but I had the presence of mind to look at their faces and they were trying not to laugh! Until Harriet let out a huge guffaw and well . . . you can imagine the chaos as people and funeral attendants ran to disentangle Fredricka from the corpse and the busted casket. So much Fredricka for making a scene.
Never in me life R. Linda have I been to a spectacle like that. I told Mam to reevaluate her friends because I was not accompanying her to any more funerals. I was done. Anyway, me Mam assured me she was not friends with Fredricka but couldn't desert Harriet in her time of need. I don't think Harriet is in any need, Muggie left her well off and she's on her way to tour Germany and Austria, so much for mourning. As to Fredricka I hear her house is up for sale and no one's seen her since the scandal she caused at Muggie's departure. I would expect Dragon Lady to have these kinds of friends, but me Mam? I don't know about the woman sometimes.
Gabe
Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved
29 February 2016
R. Linda:
Me Mam has made friends with a few ladies since she moved to this side of the pond. One of them lives in the town next to ours, which is a place with scattered small lakes. So you have that mix of lake community-type homes and then you have your rather nice bigger homes that dot the wooded area around the lakes.
It wasn't until one of Mam's friend's husband passed away I found out that the place is a swingers haven. Or so I was told. I went to the biggest of the lakes in that town for a day of ice fishing. As you know cold weather sports are not me thing, just the sport of forced shovelling of snow be me expertise, but I went not so much to fish (I'd let the kiddos do that) but for the camaraderie of it.
So the first thing I see as we pulled up is a sign THIN ICE. Well, yes, because of the strange spring weather most of the ice has melted on the smaller lakes, while it hasn't formed at all on the bigger ones. I saw most of the bob houses were pulled to the shore except for two and a mobile trailer home. The trailer home was sinking into the ice as people with cameras were recording the event and well, I was thinking going out on that ice not a good idea with wee people.
 |
| Can't you just hear them saying: "What to do?" |
Anyway, not me problem, me problem was finding at least five inches of ice to drill a fishing hole. I needn't worry there were a few holes already dug where the saner among us had deemed it not safe to stand out on melting ice and fish. With that in mind I told the kiddos it would be a short fishing trip because of circumstances, but I needn't have worried, they saw friends on shore and that's what they wanted to do, play on the beach instead. Well, I didn't even touch the fishing tackle, I made merry with the blokes on shore watching the mobile home we dubbed the Titanic, slowly sinking down, down, down!
It was as all this was going down (haha), that I heard about the swingers in town. Well, the stories were on the fantastic side and I won't repeat them, but for one name that was familiar to me. That was me Mam's friend's husband. I found out he died of a heart attack during a liaison with another woman who was in the circle of Mam's friends. I was at first amused and then horrified. Did Mam know this about the people she was associating with?
When I got home she was wringing her hankie and tears were streaming down her face as she told me Harriet's husband had passed away and poor Harriet this, and poor Harriet that. I asked her after a time how he had passed and she told me straight out what had happened.
"Did you know this bit of stuff was going on?" I asked.
"Well, for sure and I did, but Harriet didn't at first mind Gabriel, but the old geezer had found that Viagra and well . . ." she trailed off shaking her head.
"OH!" Said I rather surprised. I knew nothing of the Viagra.
"You will go to the funeral wit me won't ye?" She asked me.
What was I to say? I didn't want to, but I said yes and asked when it was. Well, to make a long story short, I found out there was competition for years between Harriet and the other woman. They were at one time best friends in high school and the friendship continued into their old age. But this woman who I will call Fredricka, always had a crush on Harriet's dearly departed (or not so dearly departed) husband, Muggie as he was affectionately called, because he would mug for the camera, or as me Mam more accurately put it, photobomb everyone's pictures because he was an egomaniac.
When Muggie discovered Viagra he nearly drove Harriet to distraction and she knowing Fredricka was single and liked Muggie, sort of set them up to get him out of her hair. This went well until Fredricka introduced Muggie to the rest of the swingers in town and well, he was having a Viagra good time.
When Harriet found out she confronted both of them and put her foot down that enough was enough. She told Fredricka never to darken her doorstep and took Muggie's stash of Viagra and flushed it down the toilet. You can imagine the scene all that presented.
"If you ever get with that woman or any woman, I hope you have a heart attack and die!" Harriet shouted at the complaining Muggie.
Well, it came true, Muggie got more of the miracle-working blue pills that made him feel like a teenager again and hooked up with Fredricka and the rest is history.
This was the funeral I was being dragged to. I didn't want to go. I knew no good was going to come out of it until I realised I might get a story for you. So off I went, me Mam acting all sorrowful for her friend, but secretly thinking Muggie got his comeuppance.
We walked into the funeral home and there at the front of the room, was Muggie all laid out. The coffin resting on one of those metal elevator-type things which you see gurneys on. I thought because of the wheels they just wheeled Muggie in and out when it was viewing time, or as Mam referred to it, "Showtime." I tell ya the woman be something.
Everyone acted tearful and sympathetic until Fredricka darkened the doorway. Oh my goodness me, R. Linda, the room actually hushed and Fredricka cast a shadow from the light of the hallway behind her which all she needed was a DA TADA DA and the scene would have been complete. Suddenly as if on cue Fredricka let out a wail and with open arms ran to the open casket as we all in shock watched. Making sure she was the centre of attention she said things that stunned everyone, but not the widow who watched the scene as if she was watching a tv show -- completely detached. Without any warning, Fredricka reached into the casket and started shaking Muggie to "wake up!"
Then without any warning to Fredricka, the metal elevator thing collapsed from her weight leaning into it and from the shaking of Muggie. It was like slow motion the casket, Muggie half in and half out, and Fredricka skirts up to her panties coming to a bounding rest with Fredricka part way in the broken casket with Muggie's arm around her.
Everyone was shock still. No one moved, but I had the presence of mind to look at their faces and they were trying not to laugh! Until Harriet let out a huge guffaw and well . . . you can imagine the chaos as people and funeral attendants ran to disentangle Fredricka from the corpse and the busted casket. So much Fredricka for making a scene.
Never in me life R. Linda have I been to a spectacle like that. I told Mam to reevaluate her friends because I was not accompanying her to any more funerals. I was done. Anyway, me Mam assured me she was not friends with Fredricka but couldn't desert Harriet in her time of need. I don't think Harriet is in any need, Muggie left her well off and she's on her way to tour Germany and Austria, so much for mourning. As to Fredricka I hear her house is up for sale and no one's seen her since the scandal she caused at Muggie's departure. I would expect Dragon Lady to have these kinds of friends, but me Mam? I don't know about the woman sometimes.
Gabe
Copyright © 2016 All rights reserved
9 comments:
Ah the dearly departed trying to rest in peace and then a Fredricka comes along. LMAO Gabe, you will have to watch your mam, keep her out of trouble.
OMG LOL! Really Gabe,you need keep a closer eye on your Mam!
WOW sounds like a funeral back in Ireland LOLOLOL As to that mobile home, what leathcheann would do that?
yikes! on both happenings. no more ice fishing and forget funerals
All this mate, is why New Hampshire is on drugs. In Maine, we are all on rum.
ROFLMAO sorry so late to nit pick. Your mom sounds like fun! Never a dull moment. I hope you were talking about winches because an industrial wench would be a hard worker. Sorry
Hey been wanting to ask, has the wolfmans hair grown again?
I fixed it, LOL been around the Captain and his "wenches" too long.
You'll have to ask him, I haven't seen the bloke in years. Though new pic looks like he cut it a wee bit.
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