30 November 2017
888
R. Linda:
Big Tony and his lovely dragon lady wife came up for a visit. The visit had a purpose, it was called WE MADE A WILL AND THIS IS WHAT'S IN IT. Normally, the subject would be rather morbid and no one would want to discuss it but we had little choice. I offered to leave Tonya and her parents to discuss away while I took meself out and about, but no, I was to be included in said discussion.
Well, R. Linda, it was like Barnum and Bailey had taken the floor, the circus came to town quite literally when we were joined by Bruno (Tonya's brother), his wife Jasmine, one of Tonya's sisters who is married to a guy referred to by everyone as THE Giordano. The other sister was not about the place because she's the smart one and one brother was doing his duty in Afghanistan.
So there we were, the usual suspects sans me Mam who had the good sense to be out and not anywhere in the house.
It started off all well and good that the kids of the Dragon couple would get equal shares of all the Dragons had accumulated throughout their lengthy life. But then it came to the house in Cape May, New Jersey and that too was to be split up evenly. But no, hold on, Tonya's sister who is married to THE Giordano pipes up she lived in that house the longest and so she should have a larger share. You could have heard a pin drop, yes indeed, everyone was gobsmacked. I, for one thought I wasn't hearing right and did mutter, "What?" Then everyone was looking at me! I shut me cake hole and pretended me coffee needed a refill and I took meself to the kitchen.
While in there me phone rang and I saw it was Weasil calling. I reluctantly picked up the call and he says, "Can you get fat eating nothing but hot dogs for a week?" And I hung up.
I reluctantly shuffled back in over a heated discussion on "entitlement" and the youngest or baby of the family thinking they were more special than the rest of the brothers and sisters, and oh me lord it was the family circus for sure.
I won't bore you with the gruesome details but after two hours of raised voices, tears, stomping around, and throwing tantrums, it was sorted out. Me and THE Giordano were smart enough to say nothing, as we pretended we were spectators at the circus and not part of the show.
I was very thankful everyone had a plane to catch or someplace other than me abode to go, so when they all left it was like I had been holding me breath the entire time, and was finally able to exhale. I was alone in the kitchen unwinding when Mam came in from wherever she had been.
"Wot's da motter?" Mam asked concerned. I guess me face betrayed the day I had. I wasn't about to go into it again, it wasn't worth me energy.
"Ok I need amusement, no clown hats though, I already live in a circus," I said with a sigh.
"Wot be the circus oop ta taday?" She asked, less concerned.
"They are bending over backwards doing tricks to make everything seem like they aren't part of a circus. The worst part of it is I feel like I be the audience watching the circus show, BUT they throw in audience participation and then I BE part of the circus show."
"Wot?"
"Trust me, the big top was in town and parked in me living room . . . all afternoon!"
"Well, be it Dragon who's . . . "
"Oh yeah well she lives on another planet and has a whole sideshow of her own. Half the time I think she's the carnival inside the circus because the circus stays stationary but the carnival which is Dragon, moves around a lot."
"Ooh my, sounds like ye need sumthin' stronger. We probably both due." Mam asked pouring us tea and eyeing the Baileys. "Ye should av' ad' da day I ad'."
"Why what happened?"
To make a long story short she offered to take our old neighbour to pick up his car at the mechanics. There was some problem with the starter so since she was in the area she offered the ride and he accepted.
Prior, me neighbour's dog was put down last month. He was 14 so quite old in dog years and he could not walk and his quality of life was nil. Though me neighbour said at his age (70+ years), laying around doing nothing sounded like bliss, but that's beside the point, the dog left this earthly place for doggy heaven. Anyway, they got to the mechanics to find a glitch was found with the starter and the mechanic needed to keep it another hour. Me Mam, having not much to do and certainly did not want to be around the abode with the Dragon family, offered the suggestion since it was near lunchtime, they go have a bite and by the time they finish his motor should be ready and they'd head back. Well, lunch was delightful, but for the call from the mechanic, the part was ordered but would not be in until the next day.
On the way to drop the neighbour off at his house, they were driving past the veterinarian's and he asked if she could stop off so he could pick up the dog. She was thinking he lost his mind because he had the dog put down and looked at him askance but said, "Sure."
"He won't make any mess of your seats or any noise. He'll play dead all the way home." The neighbour assured her as he went to the vet while she waited in the car.
Meanwhile, while she was waiting in the car and I was waving bye d' bye to the Dragon family, Weasil was texting me non-stop about dogs of another variety. I had ignored him for the most part, but as the Dragon limo was pulling out of me driveway, I saw it move over to let that infamous red Mustang by.
"Oh here comes your best bud," Tonya patted me arm and left me for the safety of the indoors while I stayed where I was watching the limo get back on the driveway and continue on and the Mustang roll closer. I could see the Weasil arm out the window waving at me and in the hand of the Weasil was a hot dog, one of those foot-long dogs.
He got out of the car and bought in a tray of hot dogs with mustard and relish, a few with kraut, a bunch of icy Coke a' Colas and cheesy fries. I helped him bring it all in as he jabbered on about how he ended up at a hot dog emporium over Dunks because Dunks dared to not serve him a green doughnut.
Seems he had seen the advert, this one:
And he, for some unknown reason had to have the green doughnut. But the Christmas doughnuts weren't available as of yet. What infuriated the Weasil was the Dunk's worker saying back at him through the speaker, "Green doughnut? We don't have green doughnuts."
His reply was, "Yessie yer do."
"No, we doughnut." There was laughter coming through the speaker, and then she said, "No, we do not."
"I drove me five miles outer me way fer dissy here doughnut." Says he. "I missed da turnie off and hadda drive all da way backie. So ten miles outer me way."
"Huh? I can't understand you." Says she with a snicker. "You have an accent with something else going on."
Oh yes, he does!
So he gets frustrated and pulls into a parking place and goes inside where he can see for himself there is not a green doughnut in sight. As he comes out he sees across the street something called Bruster's and they are having a hot dog festival. Stressed as he is, he is of the mind that a "batch" of hot dogs, greasy cheesy fries and soft drinks would be the way to relieve his so far very tough day. I tell ya.
He takes himself across the road, orders up a "batch" of everything and then realises what he is about to consume might be fattening. And he's got a week's worth of all of that heart attack food to eat on his own. Thus, the phone call to me!
As he gets to his car, there is a woman who is parked nearly on top of him. She has opened her driver-side door and gone to the other side of her auto and is rummaging around on the passenger side and he is standing there because he can't get to his passenger side to put the food inside the Mustang. She is oblivious that he is patiently (if you can call it that) waiting for her to finish rummaging and coming around to get in her car, close her driver's side door so he can get into his passenger side and relieve himself of a ton of unhealthy food.
She came around eventually, as his fast food was getting fast cold, and when she sees him and realises by his facial expression he had been standing there for a while, she blurts out, "It figures, the one day I leave the door open . . . "
"Well geez lady, it's a parking lot," says he finally losing it. "Wot did ya expect!"
With a dirty look, she got in her car and didn't wait for him to open his door, or even offer to help him since he had his arms full, no, instead she starts her motor up and pulls the hell out of Dodge. Just as he goes to open his door, another motor pulls in! So there he is waiting for that person to get out of their car so he can finally open his door and drop the stone-cold fare on his passenger seat.
There you have it, how I came to be the lucky ducky who was forced to share cold hot dogs, and greasy cold cheesy fries with a watered-down but very cold coke.
At least the circus (or I should say parts of it), headed down to Boston and the rest to New Jersey and parts unknown. I like that last . . . I should move to parts unknown, where none of these circus performers including the ringmaster, one Weasil, can't find me.
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
888
R. Linda:
Big Tony and his lovely dragon lady wife came up for a visit. The visit had a purpose, it was called WE MADE A WILL AND THIS IS WHAT'S IN IT. Normally, the subject would be rather morbid and no one would want to discuss it but we had little choice. I offered to leave Tonya and her parents to discuss away while I took meself out and about, but no, I was to be included in said discussion.
Well, R. Linda, it was like Barnum and Bailey had taken the floor, the circus came to town quite literally when we were joined by Bruno (Tonya's brother), his wife Jasmine, one of Tonya's sisters who is married to a guy referred to by everyone as THE Giordano. The other sister was not about the place because she's the smart one and one brother was doing his duty in Afghanistan.
So there we were, the usual suspects sans me Mam who had the good sense to be out and not anywhere in the house.
It started off all well and good that the kids of the Dragon couple would get equal shares of all the Dragons had accumulated throughout their lengthy life. But then it came to the house in Cape May, New Jersey and that too was to be split up evenly. But no, hold on, Tonya's sister who is married to THE Giordano pipes up she lived in that house the longest and so she should have a larger share. You could have heard a pin drop, yes indeed, everyone was gobsmacked. I, for one thought I wasn't hearing right and did mutter, "What?" Then everyone was looking at me! I shut me cake hole and pretended me coffee needed a refill and I took meself to the kitchen.
While in there me phone rang and I saw it was Weasil calling. I reluctantly picked up the call and he says, "Can you get fat eating nothing but hot dogs for a week?" And I hung up.
I reluctantly shuffled back in over a heated discussion on "entitlement" and the youngest or baby of the family thinking they were more special than the rest of the brothers and sisters, and oh me lord it was the family circus for sure.
I won't bore you with the gruesome details but after two hours of raised voices, tears, stomping around, and throwing tantrums, it was sorted out. Me and THE Giordano were smart enough to say nothing, as we pretended we were spectators at the circus and not part of the show.
I was very thankful everyone had a plane to catch or someplace other than me abode to go, so when they all left it was like I had been holding me breath the entire time, and was finally able to exhale. I was alone in the kitchen unwinding when Mam came in from wherever she had been.
"Wot's da motter?" Mam asked concerned. I guess me face betrayed the day I had. I wasn't about to go into it again, it wasn't worth me energy.
"Ok I need amusement, no clown hats though, I already live in a circus," I said with a sigh.
"Wot be the circus oop ta taday?" She asked, less concerned.
"They are bending over backwards doing tricks to make everything seem like they aren't part of a circus. The worst part of it is I feel like I be the audience watching the circus show, BUT they throw in audience participation and then I BE part of the circus show."
"Wot?"
"Trust me, the big top was in town and parked in me living room . . . all afternoon!"
"Well, be it Dragon who's . . . "
"Oh yeah well she lives on another planet and has a whole sideshow of her own. Half the time I think she's the carnival inside the circus because the circus stays stationary but the carnival which is Dragon, moves around a lot."
"Ooh my, sounds like ye need sumthin' stronger. We probably both due." Mam asked pouring us tea and eyeing the Baileys. "Ye should av' ad' da day I ad'."
"Why what happened?"
To make a long story short she offered to take our old neighbour to pick up his car at the mechanics. There was some problem with the starter so since she was in the area she offered the ride and he accepted.
Prior, me neighbour's dog was put down last month. He was 14 so quite old in dog years and he could not walk and his quality of life was nil. Though me neighbour said at his age (70+ years), laying around doing nothing sounded like bliss, but that's beside the point, the dog left this earthly place for doggy heaven. Anyway, they got to the mechanics to find a glitch was found with the starter and the mechanic needed to keep it another hour. Me Mam, having not much to do and certainly did not want to be around the abode with the Dragon family, offered the suggestion since it was near lunchtime, they go have a bite and by the time they finish his motor should be ready and they'd head back. Well, lunch was delightful, but for the call from the mechanic, the part was ordered but would not be in until the next day.
On the way to drop the neighbour off at his house, they were driving past the veterinarian's and he asked if she could stop off so he could pick up the dog. She was thinking he lost his mind because he had the dog put down and looked at him askance but said, "Sure."
"He won't make any mess of your seats or any noise. He'll play dead all the way home." The neighbour assured her as he went to the vet while she waited in the car.
Meanwhile, while she was waiting in the car and I was waving bye d' bye to the Dragon family, Weasil was texting me non-stop about dogs of another variety. I had ignored him for the most part, but as the Dragon limo was pulling out of me driveway, I saw it move over to let that infamous red Mustang by.
"Oh here comes your best bud," Tonya patted me arm and left me for the safety of the indoors while I stayed where I was watching the limo get back on the driveway and continue on and the Mustang roll closer. I could see the Weasil arm out the window waving at me and in the hand of the Weasil was a hot dog, one of those foot-long dogs.
He got out of the car and bought in a tray of hot dogs with mustard and relish, a few with kraut, a bunch of icy Coke a' Colas and cheesy fries. I helped him bring it all in as he jabbered on about how he ended up at a hot dog emporium over Dunks because Dunks dared to not serve him a green doughnut.
Seems he had seen the advert, this one:
 |
| He even took this picture to prove that green doughnuts do exist! |
And he, for some unknown reason had to have the green doughnut. But the Christmas doughnuts weren't available as of yet. What infuriated the Weasil was the Dunk's worker saying back at him through the speaker, "Green doughnut? We don't have green doughnuts."
His reply was, "Yessie yer do."
"No, we doughnut." There was laughter coming through the speaker, and then she said, "No, we do not."
"I drove me five miles outer me way fer dissy here doughnut." Says he. "I missed da turnie off and hadda drive all da way backie. So ten miles outer me way."
"Huh? I can't understand you." Says she with a snicker. "You have an accent with something else going on."
Oh yes, he does!
So he gets frustrated and pulls into a parking place and goes inside where he can see for himself there is not a green doughnut in sight. As he comes out he sees across the street something called Bruster's and they are having a hot dog festival. Stressed as he is, he is of the mind that a "batch" of hot dogs, greasy cheesy fries and soft drinks would be the way to relieve his so far very tough day. I tell ya.
He takes himself across the road, orders up a "batch" of everything and then realises what he is about to consume might be fattening. And he's got a week's worth of all of that heart attack food to eat on his own. Thus, the phone call to me!
As he gets to his car, there is a woman who is parked nearly on top of him. She has opened her driver-side door and gone to the other side of her auto and is rummaging around on the passenger side and he is standing there because he can't get to his passenger side to put the food inside the Mustang. She is oblivious that he is patiently (if you can call it that) waiting for her to finish rummaging and coming around to get in her car, close her driver's side door so he can get into his passenger side and relieve himself of a ton of unhealthy food.
She came around eventually, as his fast food was getting fast cold, and when she sees him and realises by his facial expression he had been standing there for a while, she blurts out, "It figures, the one day I leave the door open . . . "
"Well geez lady, it's a parking lot," says he finally losing it. "Wot did ya expect!"
With a dirty look, she got in her car and didn't wait for him to open his door, or even offer to help him since he had his arms full, no, instead she starts her motor up and pulls the hell out of Dodge. Just as he goes to open his door, another motor pulls in! So there he is waiting for that person to get out of their car so he can finally open his door and drop the stone-cold fare on his passenger seat.
There you have it, how I came to be the lucky ducky who was forced to share cold hot dogs, and greasy cold cheesy fries with a watered-down but very cold coke.
At least the circus (or I should say parts of it), headed down to Boston and the rest to New Jersey and parts unknown. I like that last . . . I should move to parts unknown, where none of these circus performers including the ringmaster, one Weasil, can't find me.
Gabe
Copyright © 2017 All rights reserved
3 comments:
ROFLMAO it could never happen! You give off a scent. Weez could find you across continents! Amd cold cheesy fries? YUCK
if anyone is a donut santa it is weasil. how is it he doesn't weigh 350 pounds? and he tops it off with hot dogs with all the trimmings and cheese fries, how is it he isn't a heart patient? i don't get it. if that were me i'd be one hefty weight wheezing every step i took. not fair!
The things you and Weas get up to or rather he drags you into lol
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