01 February, 2018

Who's That Crazy Lady?

01 February 2018
895

R. Linda:

We have new neighbours on down the road from us. They moved in recently and are settled enough to take in their surroundings. I be including me Mam as one of those 'surroundings' because unknown to me Mam, she became the object of scrutiny and intense discussions with the newbies. Yes, she did, and she did this all quite unaware of the entire situation.

We had one weekend that the temperatures listed towards the high side, enough warmth one could venture outside in a light jacket. That weekend me Mam decided it was spring-like and she got it into her head that she should begin to exercise the winter 'fat' (as she calls it) off by roller-blading down the road. Yes, for a woman who just turned 70 this be a wee bit of a shock to most people she'd get her ancient self on roller blades in the first place. I know the images of an oldster with a cane tooling down the road on roller blades be extremely hard to imagine, but well . . . she be a stubborn old bird and when she sets her mind (what's left of it) to doing something, there be no way to talk any sense into her not to do it.

Like ice skating, if you don't clear the snow and ice chips off the pond you are want to skate into a bad patch and go flying on your keister. Well, same applies to asphalt if there be dirt or sand on it and you skate into that bad patch, more than a sore bum will result.

So, she got out her skates (yes, she has a pair) and her helmet (yes, she's wise enough to protect the noggin) and off she set for the road. When she got there there was an inordinate amount of road sand (no road salt here) and that she could not have if she wanted to zoom down the road. She went back inside and got our big industrial broom and off she headed to the road to sweep. She swept the ENTIRE road from one end to the other.  Thankfully the road isn't that long otherwise she'd probably still be out there.

The only reason I know what she was doing is because Tonya had been outside walking the dog.

"Your mother is sweeping the road. Just so you know." She had smiled knowingly at me.

"What for?" I asked rather stunned.

"You should go ask her." Was the flippant reply.

"Maybe she got a part time job with the road department." I said brushing it off and going about me business.

Meanwhile, the new neighbours were coming home from their first shopping trip to the grocery store 45 minutes away. As they pulled into out street there was me Mam busily sweeping the sand to the sides of the road. Oh yeah they thought she was crazy, and couldn't understand why anyone in their right mind would go sweep a public thoroughfare, especially an old woman.

About noon time she had it swept and ready and after a bite of lunch, and a bit of a rest, she donned helmet and blades and out she went. To say she looked like she was ready for Roller Derby would be an understatement. Elbow and shin guards, helmet . . . luckily she didn't have a cigarette dangling out of her mouth, and off she zoomed for a good 45 minutes up and down the swept road like she was in a race.

Meanwhile, the new neighbours were setting out again, this time to the local Home Depot over an hour away when they had to brake hard to keep from hitting her as she zoomed by their driveway entrance.

"Wasn't that the old woman who was sweeping the street?" The husband asked the wife.

"Sure was. What on earth is she doing now? She has to be a hundred if she's a day!"

Good thing me Mam didn't hear that.

"Well, she sure is fit I guess to be doing THAT." The husband said slowly pulling out as they both rubbernecked to see her reach the end of the road and with remarkable ease for a one hundred year old, I mean a 70 year old, make a turn on her heels basically and start back up the street at breakneck speed. They pulled over to let her pass and then slowly proceeded down the road as she made the other end and turned zooming by them with a wave. Tentatively they waved back and headed out.

It wasn't until this week I ran into the husband at the General Store. I introduced meself and welcomed him to our small 'hood' and after a while he felt at ease enough to ask me about the 'older woman' who lives with me.

"Oh, that be me Mam," I said, "when did you meet her?"

"We didn't, we saw her sweeping the road and then roller blading. She is quite good on those skates."

"Oh for sure she be, she is a crazy lady on blades," I said laughing and shaking me head.

"Eccentric." He smiled.

"You are being kind. When you saw her sweeping the road you had to wonder if you were living next door to a mental patient."

He grinned, "Yeah kind of."

I told me Mam she was creating quite the reputation. She thinks its funny. The neighbours are probably peeking out their windows to see what she does next. I did tell her it was a good thing she was speedy on those blades, she'd out distance the man with the butterfly net had they called the men in the white coats.

Gabe
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5 comments:

Fionnula said...

no she didn't ROFLMAO

Gabriel O'Sullivan said...

Oh yes she did.

Tomas said...

When I'm 70 I hope to have that kind of energy and drive. Something tells me I can smell the blarney in a 45 minute workout on rollerblades. Unless you meant she skated so far, stopped to catch her breath (a nice way of saying she was panting for breath) and then continuing on. Did it take 45 minutes to get from one end to the other? Merely asking. LMAO

Gabriel O'Sullivan said...

Smarty arse

mobit22 said...

Not going to laugh at all. I'm very proud of the fact she's doing better than me. So I guess that makes me an old bird? I know I'm crazy but my ankles don'tike skates any more . Too manyspeed skating accidents when I was 45. A loooong time ago