20 May, 2018

Walking like an Egyptian

20 May 2018
907

R. Linda:

Last Friday, at Guido's school, was Museum Day. This is where for a month, the class has selected certain famous people who they have to dress up as, act as, and write about. It takes a month of preparation before there is a presentation of sorts in the all-purpose room, of dressed-up students who are as still as statues, and you, the parent or other, walk up press a button and the statue comes to life long enough to tell you who they are, what their achievements were, and any other bit of info they feel you should know. Of all the famous people in the world Guido decided on King Tut. I had no clue as to why Tutankhamun but on serious reflection, I realised the boy king did not live very long, had few achievements and wouldn't require a whole lot of research and brain power to write up. Yup, leave it to the middle child to figure out a shortcut.

For the costume me grey-haired, apple-cheeked little Mam was enlisted. She came up with a costume and even made the famous crook and flail (see below) and he was all set to go. Except Dragon had to get in on the show and she had an Egyptian collar from Egypt she had Big Tony send up for the occasion (see below).

Crook & Flail

Egyptian Collar

Friday was the day. I went in late to work so I could go since Guido made a big deal about how important it was for him to have his "people" there. We loaded up in the car and off to the school we went for the 9:30 Museum walk. We had the normal school chitchat with other parents as we waited for the doors to open. I could see through the window that everyone was taking their places and I recognised a few of the "statues" and thought all costumes were really very well done. Upon entrance, there on the floor, on a golden pillow lay the boy Tut. That was rather a shock at first to see him laid out like that, I was thinking he'd be sitting in a throne chair, not made to look like he was really dead. Anyway, that didn't faze anyone else, so in we went.

Since there were people in front of us, I took off to see the exhibits that were not being visited and up I walked to this munchkin I thought was a wizard until I saw the Mona Lisa painting.

"And who might you be?" I asked pushing the button.

The wizard told me he was Leonard DiVinci, and he was a mathematical genius probably smarter than meself, and he could paint million-dollar portraits (he gestured to the Mona Lisa) and I probably have trouble painting a house, so he was by far me superiour. As a matter of fact far superiour still to many modern-day smart guys.

Well, I guess so! I wanted to say thank you for making me feel dumb and inadequate, but I didn't. I moved on to Marco Polo. I had no clue he was Marco Polo, so I pushed the button and he came to life and informed me he was a traveller who opened up the Chinese trade routes, that he journeyed for 24 years on the Silk Road and boy was he tired! He was a friend to the Kublai Khan and he was Marco Polo, who bought back not only silk, ivory, jade, porcelain -- but don't forget the spaghetti! The Italians liked it so much that they made it theirs. But for my information, I could buy a good Lo Mein at the Chinese Restaurant if I wanted to experience spaghetti Chinese style.

"Okay I'll remember that," I said acting dumb since DiVinci had me in that mode already, "Marco."

"Polo." He quipped. I moved on.

The next one was a young girl who I thought was Edith Piaf, but turned out to be Jackie Kennedy! I dunno, the Eiffel Tower prop, the black dress, the fur loop hat, well I missed the white gloves, and the clutch which would indicate not Edith, but someone else. I associate Kennedy with the pillbox hat, the mega sunglasses, riding hat, and boots, more than I do the Eiffel Tower and well the fur loop hats were popular when me granny was alive. Damn, DiVinci because when I pushed the button and didn't get Piaf, I was stunned at how dumb I was getting with each exhibit. However, the guy standing next to me thought she was French too, and Bouvier wasn't on his brain either. Had to be the hat threw him too.

The girl gave us a run down on Jackie Kennedy's life and seemed bored with the process. We moved on, me and the other guy not saying a word.

Sean found me and pulled me toward a colonial general standing in a boat holding a Besty Ross flag. He pressed the button and the general informed us he was George Washington, born and raised in the great state of Virginia, and because his military prowess was better than the British, he became the first president of the United States when he could have proclaimed himself king but didn't, and then he sighed, and said, "All by crossing the Delaware and beating Ben Franklin to Philadelphia." Okay, what? I said, but the teacher came by and told me I couldn't ask questions because there were too many people in line for President Washington. But, I wanted to say, only I didn't, that he was making some stuff up, but I moved on looking over me shoulder at George smirking at me.

I found myself in front of Madame Curie, and I knew it was Madame because she was holding glowing slime standing in for radioactive material. When Sean pressed the button, she came to life by holding the container up to the light and we saw it glow. Then she started to tell us about herself and how she made huge discoveries in the area of physics, but how her husband got the credit and she a side note to history and how it was a man's world but she fixed that. "I put two elements together, radium into polonium to achieve radioactivity. I won a Noble Prize twice, what prize have you won?"

Okay, time to leave. We went to King Tut who looked like he was enjoying a well-deserved nap. I pushed the button and he sat up and said, "I ruled ancient Egypt for only ten years because I broke my leg and it got infected, but some say it was from many infections of malaria, and some say sickle cell disease, but the jury is still out but only I know for sure and I ain't sayin'. I wasn't famous because I didn't reign long enough to accomplish much, but my tomb made me an instant sensation because of all the gold that was found and I was undisturbed until two Brits came in and decided ta rob me."

OK then. We got no more from Guido because Neil Armstrong (who had been standing on a table high above us to simulate he was space walking), started to wobble because he was overheated in his hot-looking space suit. He was taken gently down as he began to fade out of consciousness and his parents started unzipping him out of the suit. He was carried away and that pretty much ended the museum tour. Uh-huh.

We said our goodbyes to the boy king and a few of his more recognisable friends. I will say Neil Armstrong recovered with a few sips of bottled water and being completely out of the space suit. It all went well for the most part, not all the "statues" were smartyarses, but as always it didn't end there. On the way out Sean was walking like an Egyptian. I don't think he realised the other parents were right behind us on the way out. He did that walk humming the song Walk Like An Egyptian all the way to the motor. Yes, he did and we said nothing to him so he made a complete fool of himself with everyone laughing. Do you think that stopped him? Nah ha as Weasil would say, no, he put on a show wending his way between the cars in the parking lot singing that stupid song and doing the walk. We acted like we did not know him and fell back letting the other parents go ahead so we hoped we would not be seen with him I tell ya, ya can't take him anywhere, he's the biggest kid in me house!

Gabe
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3 comments:

Fionnula said...

wow your mom made the crook and flail? the collar is neat too. guido must have looked great! it seems most kids his age are smartie mouths. look forward to tween and teen years gabe, it gets worse ha ha!

mobit22 said...

ROFLMAO I read it to Ricci and we couldn't stop laughing. Guido is a leader, not a follower. He was brilliant with his choice. Big results with least effort. Work smarter not harder. I expect great things from Guido.

Dew said...

We have living museum without the button. It's so cute!